15 Reasons Not To Die || Choi Yeonjun

24; 𝑇𝑤𝑒𝑙𝑣𝑒𝑡ℎ 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 (Part 1)

What Yeonjun said echoed in her head. Like a broken plaque echoing simultaneously. She couldn't hide it any longer, but what Yeonjun said really gave a bigger impact to her. It made her heart pound, made something inside her stomach brewing in an unidentified motion. Everything feels soothing and blissful that she could no longer explain the feeling of it.

When the sun set down and darkness loomed the atmosphere, she decided to go home since it might be dangerous for her if she walk home alone at night. But Yeonjun insisted to walk her home, while waiting patiently for Yeonjun in their living room, something in the corner of her eyes caught her attention.

She found herself walking through that something that caught her attention and saw a picture frame of a family that is obviously a picture of Yeonjun's family. The picture is formal, Yeonjun's mom were the only one smiling while the three boys kept their cool and maintain their intimidating posture. She saw the older man wrapping his arm around Yeonjun's mom, which was she suppose to be Yeonjun's father. Along with the two handsome younger boys. One of them is a young boy which was obviously Yeonjun and an older boy beside Yeonjun.

Her eyes scanned over the picture frame in front of her, trying to seek the resemblance of the guy beside Yeonjun to someone very familiar to her. Upon finally noticing who the guy is, her eyes widened slowly as something inside her chest started to pound in a fast pace. Her hand bald into a fist of anger, as fear and nervousness started creeping up inside her.

"y/n? It's getting late. shall we go now?" she almost jolted up in shocked as she turned her back to face the guy who called her, who was none other than Yeonjun who's now smiling at her, waiting for her beside the door. Her eyes are still all wide while she was looking at him as if she saw a ghost of the past. she noticed the resemblance between the guy she no longer want to see and Yeonjun who's now standing across her.

She felt a bump on her throat as she gulped in mixed of fear, anger and nervousness. She was suspecting it even before, but every time she will have the chance to ask him that question there will always be someone or something that will block Yeonjun from answering it. She already had the hint, but she still couldn't believed it. That her sister's ex boyfriend is none other than Yeonjun's older brother.

.......

Yeonjun couldn't take the deafening silence around them as they walked together on the way to y/n's home. It is almost suffocating him, he thinks that the reason why y/n is now all silent and couldn't say any word is because of the confession he made earlier.

This is the fearful consequences he's afraid the most when he planned to confess it all on her. Since it's either she rejects him or it will build an awkward atmosphere in between their friendship.

"Ahm.. y/n?--"

"Didn't you just said that you want to die ever since you witnessed a crime and someone's miserable death?" y/n asked all of a sudden, remembering the time in which Yeonjun had his mental breakdown and finally told everything to y/n. However, he didn't seemed to explain it all on her since she stopped him from further panicking.

Yeonjun was surprised to the sudden question she threw, and even more surprised when she actually remembered it. "Y-yes..."

"Perhaps... was that victim a lady?" Yeonjun's eyes widened as he cleared his throat nervously. Nodding as his eyes completely filled with confusion.

Upon looking down at y/n's hands, he took a step backward once he saw her clenching fist as her hands started to tremble. The thought of anything but his current situation were what kept Yeonjun more or less confused. He couldn't read her mind, but all he can tell by now is that she's definitely hiding so much emotions inside her that even Yeonjun can't tell.

"I get it now...." she added as she stopped from further walking that made Yeonjun stopped as well. She turned to face Yeonjun and looked straight up to his eyes.

"You wanted to die because you saw your brother doing something inappropriate to his own girlfriend. Every night the lady was used and ruined by her own boyfriend, and you were the only one who witnessed it. But you didn't said anything to anyone because you're afraid, you were too young. One day, you saw the same lady planning to jump off a 10 floor building, and watched her fall from her death. But you didn't helped her, because just like what I said, you're a coward--"

"y/n!! S-stop!" Yeonjun cut her off, looking away as his hands are trembling covering his ears with his shaking hands in order for him to no longer hear about the thing y/n is explaining.

y/n took a step forward close to Yeonjun and looked up to him while her fists are shaking wanting to punch anyone right now to clench her anger. "Why didn't you helped her, Yeonjun?"

Yeonjun looked down as he cleared his throat, remembering the time in which he was too young to help anyone, he was too young to stop his own brother from doing such things to his own girlfriend, he was too young to know and understand what's happening around him. He was too young that time.

"I already told you what happened to my sister. You knew it all along, don't you?" Yeonjun's mind malfunctioned, as he couldn't think properly once he saw tears continuously streaming down y/n's cheeks coming from the corner of her once dazzling eyes. He looked away, not wanting to see the sight of her crying.

However, the picture of y/n crying because of him stayed in the back of his mind even if he's no longer looking at her now, constantly reminding him of how utterly screwed he was.

He wanted to speak. He wanted to explain and defend himself in order for her to not misinterpret everything she had been thinking. He wanted to apologize, but what makes him stop from further opening his mouth and say any word is when he heard y/n sobbing, crying in despair and anger. That was all because of him.

"Did you just liked me because you were regretting what you have done to my sister? That you weren't able to helped her that time?" She asked that made Yeonjun's eyes widened in disbelief.

He looked at her straight in the eyes, enduring the double pain he's feeling while looking at those tears kept on streaming down her face. His mouth agape, searching for the courage to explain and speak. However, he didn't say any word. Nor something that could explain himself to her.

She looked down, gulping as her hands slowly loosening the tightened clenched it once have.  "did you liked me because you were pity?"

Yeonjun's throat dried to the point that even how he badly wants to explain and speak, answer all the question she's asking, no words came out from his mouth nor a movement that can be a response to her question.

y/n waited for a minute to hear him answer the question she threw. But she didn't heard any word from him, she was anticipating for nothing. "now it all make sense."

y/n turned her back to face the opposite way, planning to leave Yeonjun alone in the dark and just walk on her own on her way home. But before walking away from him, there's something she had said that made Yeonjun's body froze and felt like something painful caught up inside his chest. Something even more painful than being rejected.

"I should've just let you fall from the building  that day"

.....