My Nepenthe

Chapter 5

"Gauri… are you sure you can stay here? For all I know, they are just trapping you here… you don’t need to cure anybody” Dandi pleaded her to be practical.

“You shouldn’t have talked to him like that bhaiyya” Gauri said after a long gap of silence.

Dandi sighed placing a hand over her head “He doesn’t deserve your love Gauri”

The tears she had been holding since the day before rushed their way out of her eyes, flowing without hinderance and Dandi could do nothing to calm her down except holding her in a comforting embrace.

“I am trying to not love him bhaiyya…. But seems like it is not possible anymore… I am too much into the loop that walking away seems to pull the life out of me”

“If you want to forget him… you cannot do that with him coming before you everyday … you brought this on yourself… you should have said a no Gauri”

“But he will be alone…” she said parting away from him.

“Alone? He has a whole family to take care of him”

She smiled “They were there when he turned himself into the man he is now… His soul…, he lost it under the burden of responsibilities which his family impinged on him… They are the cause bhaiyya… not the cure”

“And what makes you think that you are his cure? He detests you”

“I don’t know if I am… but I will not go until I try everything”

“This is foolishness Gauri… you cannot do this to yourself… why did you change your decision?”

“I always believed in my Shankarji…I believed in destiny… I thought if one comes into your life… they will have a role to play in your life"

“Me and Omkaraji … we were strangers..  why did Shankarji bring him to me when I needed help…? Whenever I wished to go out of this house… some or the other problem came up and stopped me… why did my God make me stay for Omkaraji’s safety?” she explained.

“After the way Omkara ji declared that I do not have a place in his life, I decided not to expect love from him… I was on my way out when I was stopped again.. by Anika bhaujai”

“Still, I put the thought to a side and thought of not taking any hint from circumstances this time…. But Omkaraji came to my room last night” she revealed looking at Dandi.

“He did not utter a word bhaiyya… he just took my hand in his and sat down bedside the bed. I could feel his stare on me but I let him believe I was asleep. I… I didn’t want him to close himself off again and so I kept mum. I prayed he would speak something… anything… but he didn’t”

“He left after God knows what time and I slept, telling myself all over again that I should not give in to emotions this time…I needed words of assurance…coz the silence between us cannot be stretched forever….”

“I packed my bags and was just about to call you to inform that I was coming to your place when Jhanvi maaji walked in. I …”

“And you melted… again” Dandi finished for her “You shouldn’t do this Gauri…. he might hurt you again or you will hurt yourself by getting close to him”

“I am trying not to get hurt this time… I will stay away from him… at least I will not bother to remind him that I am his wife… because this time I got my answers loud and clear… He doesn’t want me as his life partner and I am not going to beg him to take me as one”

“How are you going to make him a better person by staying away?” Dandi scoffed in disbelief.

“He was always comfortable being friends when I was Chulbul… may be we should start with it… that way he will not run and I will not have my hopes raised… I can be friends with him”