The Truth About Life

-Audrey: Chapter Six-

Chase has been home from the hospital for 2 weeks now, and it has been pretty interesting.

At first, Chase was insanely angry at everyone that even looked at him, that spoke to him. But for the past couple days, he's been really quiet. He stares at his bedroom wall a lot and writes in a ratty old notebook, about what, I'm not sure.

Chase's doctor really pushed for rehab, but my parents thought maybe being at home and my dad visiting him every weekend (kill me, right now) and counseling, would help put him on the right track. I've got be honest, I'm glad he's here. I don't want to be separated from him. I need to see him and make sure that he really is still alive.

He still has a big cast on his arm from the break, he had the stitches in his eyebrow removed the other day and the swelling on his face has mostly gone away. Just some yellowish patches of color where the bruises are fading.

That first night at the hospital was beyond scary. I really thought Chase was going to die. Just looking at him made my stomach heave. He didn't even look like the same person with all the swelling and bruising. And my dad bringing Penny along with him. My gosh, this is a family crisis. Not for some annoying newcomer to watch like a sideshow.

Thank goodness Penny and dad have gone home. He'll be back this weekend, though. Hopefully without Penny. My mom has been hovering around Chase and I, driving us up the wall. I know I said I wanted her to be involved and really be there for us, but good grief, rein it in a little. When I have something to talk about, I'll seek you out, mom. I don't need to be asked 35 times a day if I have anything to say.

And Chase, I'm not sure how he feels about the hovering. I glance across the room at him sitting on the couch. He's scribbling away in his notebook, while my mom sets a sandwich and a Dr. Pepper on the side table for him. She smooths Chase's forehead and pats his shoulder, then walks back to the kitchen.

I wonder if this is the 'new' Chase. This quiet kid that only has one expression. Solemn. A kid who stares at the wall or writes in his notebook.

I go to the couch and sit down next to him. Chase keeps his head down, continues to scribble away.

"How are you feeling? Like, really feeling, Chase?" I put my hand gently over his hand that's holding the pen, making him look up at me. "It's just me, it's not mom or dad," I shiver, "or Penny, so please talk to me."

Chase looks me in the eyes, his own, the beautiful sea green of them, full of pain, fear. "Audrey, I'm gonna do all I can to stay clean. I'm writing in this stupid journal, we'll see if that helps. My counselor seems to think it will. Waking up on the side of the road scared the shit out of me."

He takes a deep breath and rubs his hands over his face. "But I'm scared shitless that I won't be strong enough to stay away from the drugs, because they make me feel so good, they make me numb to all the freaking crap with mom and dad. I don't know how I'm going to handle it without them."

I put my arm around his shoulder and squeeze tight. "Chase, we can do this together, you're not alone or anything. We can stick by each other."

I start to get excited about us being "Audrey and Chase" again that I don't see the fear and apprehension in his eyes. I continue excitedly, "I can help you get all caught up in school, summer's around the corner and if we can get you caught up you won't have to do summer school."

I jump up, clapping my hands together, happier than I'd been in a long time. "Summer will be like old times. Camping, cookouts, swimming! It'll be so good, Chase, you'll see."

Chase puts his hands up in front of my face, to ward off my happiness maybe, and says, "Hey, hey, calm down. I have to take this slowly, baby steps. I'm not good, Audrey. I'm not in a good place."