The Truth About Life

-Audrey:Chapter Twenty-Two-

The day of Milton’s funeral dawns painfully, and beautifully bright. The sun is shining, streaming through my bedroom window as I finish braiding my curling hair.

I wear a simple pale peach sundress. Black just seems too dark and harsh to wear for such a bright person.

I walk across the hallway to Chase’s bedroom. His bed is unmade, but hasn’t been slept in for 5 days. His walls are covered in motorcycle posters. Pictures of he and Brody, of Milton, overlapped and tacked haphazardly wherever Chase decided to slap them up.

His favorite Adidas sneakers sit on the floor, waiting for their owner to slip his feet into them and take off on an adventure. Chase’s backpack hangs on his bedpost.

We’ve searched this whole room, trying to find clues to where Chase might have gone. Where he might be. I found a bag of what I’m assuming is meth, buried in his underwear drawer.

I nervously snuck it up my sleeve before my parents saw, took it to the bathroom and flushed it down the toilet. Did he start using again?
 
He hasn’t come home since the day Milton passed away. We’ve all searched (even Brody) We’ve all cried. We’ve called hospitals, teachers. My dad scoured every known drug spot in the area. We've checked Milton's, maybe he was crashing there?

But no Chase. No one has seen him. Or, maybe they have, but no one’s talking. The police haven’t been much help, they think he’s just another runaway. Maybe he is.

Honestly, I am beyond scared to death. I've been waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, dreaming that Chase is lying dead in a ditch somewhere, all alone. I can’t fall asleep after that.

I’ve been sleeping with one of Chase’s old T-shirts, its soft, worn fabric making me feel a small bit of comfort.

“Where are you Chase?” I say to his empty room.

I close my eyes trying to feel where he might be. My mom settles her hand on my shoulder, making me jump a little. Her eyes are perpetually red now, puffy. How would it feel, not knowing where your son is? I hug my mom tight, my tears so close to the surface, start to fall.

My mom leans heavily into me. It scares me, this hollowed out version of her. She started changing, seeming more fragile when my dad left, and now that Chase is gone, I see her disappearing.

“Please, don’t leave me too, mama.” I whisper desperately.

I press my face to her warm, tanned neck. Inhale her peppermint-y scent. We cling to each other, not letting go for a long time.

Eventually, my mom stands up straight, softly wipes the tears from my cheeks. She looks so fragile in a stormy-gray wrap dress. She takes a deep, sustaining breath, grabbing my hand,  we head to the car, to Milton’s funeral.

I hold my breath as we pull into the old Catholic church. I’m hoping Chase will be here, surely, he wouldn't miss this day. Miss saying good-bye to Milton.

My mom and I climb out of the car, I stand beside my open door, scanning for him.

My eyes fall on Brody, his face red and blotchy from crying. I see my dad and Penny standing by the church doors.

Then, to my surprise, I see Brie. My heart almost stops. She’s looking back at me; she looks lost and afraid. Small, sad and lonely.

My feet start to propel me toward her.  Benson walks to me just then, with the whole Scott family in tow. He puts his arms around me, pulling me in for a hug. A much-needed hug. Mrs. Scott has her arm through my mom’s, walking with us into the church.

The rich, earthy scent of wildflowers, dozens of them, hits me when we walk in. Milton’s wife and daughter loved wildflowers, and in honor of them, the church is overflowing.