The Truth About Life

-Audrey: Chapter Forty-Three-

Brie and I drive, singing at the top of our lungs to showtunes, eating road trip junk food, until we get to northern Utah. We stop and get a room at a small hotel in a town called, Ogden.

We get there pretty late and are exhausted from all the driving, and quite honestly, my butt is killing me. We bring up just what we'll need for tomorrow and lock up the car.

We both fall into bed thinking we'll just fall right to sleep, but sleep evades us both.

"You awake?" Brie asks.

I roll over so we're facing each other. "Can't fall asleep either?"

She shakes her head, "This is the first time I've slept in a hotel without my parent's, it feels strange."

I'm feeling the same way, it's so weird feeling without our parents here, just knowing we're on our own.

"I agree, I'm so excited to get to school and really dive into classes, but at the same time, I miss home and what I'm familiar with."

Brie's quiet for a minute, "Yeah, it'll be  rough for the first little bit, I think, but then we'll find our groove."

I grab her hand, say, "I'm so glad we're on this adventure together, Brie. I wouldn't want to take it with anyone else. We can grab dinner during the week and stay over with each other on the weekends, it's truly going to be such a blast."

Brie squeezes my hand, "Agreed, the homesickness we feel will fade and won't feel quite so sharp, we have each other, always."

I can hear Brie's breathing deepen, but I still feel wide awake, my thoughts racing. I miss my family, of course, and it's so painful that I didn't get to say good-bye to Chase; but I miss Benson something fierce.

The morning he left; his excitement was palpable. The energy radiating off of him was incredible. We met behind our houses, on the bank of the creek before the sunrise. The wildflowers nodded good morning to us in the breeze.

Benson pulled me into his arms, sifting his nose through my hair, inhaling.

 "What are you doing," I laugh.

He kisses my nose, "Memorizing your smell, so I'll never forget it. Man, I'm going to miss you."

He buries his face in my neck, making my eyes fill with tears. I hold onto him tighter, rub my hands up and down his arms, feel his warm skin against me.

"I love you," I whisper against his chest.

His shirt smells like laundry soap, clean and fresh.

"I love you more," he says.

We talk of nothing and everything as the sun rises, our time together almost up.

My mom and I, and all the Scott's stood together in the driveway as Benson's Uber pulled away, taking him to the airport.

I hug Mrs. Scott, trying to offer some comfort. She's so strong, waiting until the car is out of sight before breaking down. I can't hold it together anymore and start to ball, too.

We all go inside the Scott's house, Mr. Scott kissing his wife's cheek, squeezing her hand.

My mom made raspberry rolls just for the occasion, the soft sweet dough and smooth cream cheese frosting really is soothing for the soul.

Little Taige crawled onto my lap, wrapping her skinny little arms around my neck, seeking comfort. I hug her back tightly; I need some comfort, too.

I rub my dry, tired eyes, roll over, smack the pillow a couple of times trying to get comfortable in this strange place. I haven't heard from Benson yet, he told us it might take a week or so to email and let us know he made it, how he's doing.

That seems so far away. I take a deep breath, I just need to focus on school, focus on getting settled in.

My eyes start to feel heavy, I fall into a fitful sleep, full of both excitement and anxiety. My dreams aren't sweet, they are full of anxiety.

I'm trying to run for my life, from an invisible assailant. I hear both Chase and Benson calling for me from thick, swirling fog that's licking at my feet.

Then my mom appears, the fog seeming to part, she's wearing a flowing white dress, calling for Chase and me.

I'm trying with all my strength to put one foot in front of the other, to get to my family, but it's like the soles of my shoes are made of lead. My family, Benson, they need me, they're calling for me.

I'm so scared, so overwhelmed, I turn in circles, not sure what to do. I see a silhouette in the fog, Benson, I think. He's kneeling down, his head bowed, fists to his heart, his lips moving. In prayer.

Yes, pray, I think to myself. Only a higher being can stop this madness.

I wake up with a start. I'm covered in sweat, my hair sticking to my forehead. Brie sleeps on, snoring softly beside me.

I tiptoe to the bathroom, close the door quietly. I don't know what to do, what I'm feeling. So, I just kneel down on the cool tile floor of a strange hotel room, in a strange town.

My knees hurt where the edge of the tile digs into my skin. I like the pain, it's letting me know I'm still alive, that all will be well. It was just a dream.

My mom, Chase, Benson, they're all fine. Please let them be fine. I've never prayed in my life; I don't know if there's a right or a wrong way to do it. I clasp my hands to my heart and just start.

"God, If you're there, it's me, Audrey."

Should I say my name, my address? I wonder. I clear my throat, "I feel scared, I don't know how to talk to you, what to say. I guess just please help me, Benson, my family. Umm, amen, I guess."

I stay on my knees for a minute, trying to clear the dream from my mind. I start to shiver a little, I can hear the air conditioning humming, softly blowing cool air into the bathroom.

Even though my skin feels cold, my heart suddenly feels warm, my mind, my soul, feels peace. I stare at the ceiling in awe.

"Wow," I whisper, "You're really quick." I squeeze my eyes shut. "Thank you."