Do We Let Go?

27| Moments We Share

And isn't it just so pretty to think, all along there was some, invisible string, tying you to me?

- Taylor Swift, from Invisible String

Napping in the morning time was weird.

When I woke up, I didn't feel exactly rejuvenated, no, the tiredness remained, but I certainly felt lighter. Much lighter. I realized it had quite some to do with me needing rest but a lot to do with the fact that I had finally unloaded the deeply buried feelings I carried inside me.

It was also very confusing to understand if I had to pee frequently because of my pregnancy or the infection, but eh, I didn't give it much thought, because, for the first time in months, I was feeling free.

Finally, I would be living with someone who understood me. But there was also this underlying anxiety in me. I didn't want Zach to look at me any differently. Sure, I had quite some trauma in my past, but that didn't make me a delicate little thing.

Although I could put it past him to ever think of me as damaged or delicate, the anxiety wasn't helping. I was worried he might become cautious around me since he got to know about the self-harm part.

I mean, I was fine now. The pain of losing Zoya would always be with me, but time is indeed a great healer and I've healed too. I will always carry that loss within me, but I've learned to live with it and let go. The scars would always be there too, but the good thing was that I knew there would no bleeding anymore.

After showering, I almost started getting ready for work, before I remembered I'm supposed to be on a two-week leave. It made me pout. I was sure I would get bored all alone at home.

I slipped into an old pair of sweatpants and the biggest hoodie I could find, which was in fact, Rehaan's college hoodie. It was comfortable and warm, and did not stick to my skin, which was great because my breasts felt sore and tender; I needed all the air I could get.

I was quite nervous when I stepped inside the kitchen to see Zach making lunch for us. When I saw the number of steamed vegetables he'd prepared, no doubt for me, I scrunched up my nose in disapproval.

Lately, he's had a bee in his bonnet about me eating healthy food and getting proper nutrition. I admit it was charming that he cared for me, but it soon became very, very irritating. The sight of all those veggies was killing my appetite.

It certainly didn't help that Zach scolded me for buying junk food nowadays. I'd been affronted at first, and asked him why he was behaving so strictly suddenly. His answer made me want to roll my eyes so hard.

He thought cheating on a healthy diet during the first few weeks was fine but now that I was nearing my fifth month, I should be eating as many nutrients as I could. I and the baby needed it. Of course, I knew all of it, and I did eat healthy food, but I knew I deserved at least one packet of chips in a day or two.

"Hey. How do you feel?" Zach asked me, bringing me out of my reverie.

"Fine. Still a little tired, but fine." I answered, avoiding meeting his eyes. He continued chopping a bunch of tomatoes into perfect little squares. While doing so, a few of his veins strained against his skin, going all the way to his shoulder.

Man, he had a nice body!

"And how's our little bun in the oven?"

I smiled. "Both oven and bun seem fine."

"Great.", he commented with a smile, but his eyes were never off his cooking. It phased me a bit; the anxiety that he might not look at me the way he used to didn't go away.