Do We Let Go?

20| Hurts Like Hell

A/n - Forget the last chapter that I unpublished. This is what was meant to be posted <3 Hope you guys like it.

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If you've never lost your mind then you've never followed your heart.                                                                - Rachel Wolchin

Zach has never known conflict in his entire life this strong as he is facing nowadays. His heart and his mind are running in two completely different directions which leaves him in the middle of a crossroad, not knowing which way to pick.

He doesn't want to let his baby go to adoptive parents, he wants to keep it all to himself. But at the same time, he knows he's not ready for a lifelong commitment. It's like wanting something so badly that you're clearly not ready to possess, or in this matter, raise.

It seemed like the weather understood him. In the morning, it was a sunny day, but as the day progressed, the sky looked more dull and gray than it has in quite some time for Boston in October. It's like even the weather couldn't decide if it wanted to be a rainy day or a bright and sunny day.

Such conflict in his heart...and he has nowhere to go to. No one he could talk to. This dark thought washes loneliness over him.

Of course, he has Ethan and Blair, who would just sit and listen to him for hours if need be. But he doesn't want to trouble them. Not when they're so excited about their wedding. Not when it's entirely someone else he misses.

He could talk to his father, but it would be very shocking for his Dad to absorb so much of the information he's kept hidden from him. Not only is his son about to become a father, but is also considering giving up the baby for adoption.

Yeah, should be enough to give the poor man a heart attack.

He felt that even Sasha would've been a great person to talk to...but again, he can't speak of this to her. Not after everything that has happened. But still, despite it all, she knew what day it is today and so he received a text from her saying,

'If you wanna talk, I'm here for you.' He'd been grateful for it, but there was too much on his mind and she isn't the right person for it.

The only person alive who would truly understand his dilemma is Zara and even though they've grown surprisingly close in this short span of time...she has her own thoughts to sort through.

A sigh escaped his lips.

He's been working for seven hours now, with very small breaks in between except the one that had happened for lunch. They were shooting the end of the first season, which requires a shit ton of effort. And Zach would've been happy to do so...except today he just can't find the energy to.

Not today when it's his mother's death anniversary.

Not today when he knows his father has so much amount of work to do along with dealing with the significance of what today means. Not when he still hasn't called back so that they both can go and visit her...her grave.

He gulped audibly, forcing down the small lump from growing in his throat.

He heard footsteps behind him. Then someone placed a hand on his shoulder. Zach turned to see that it was Blair. She shot him a sympathetic smile, squeezing his shoulder, just telling him without speaking that she's there for him.

Pursing his lips, he nods, understanding her. He knows they're here.

It's just a hard day to get through. When all the flashbacks from that day keep coming back to him, reminding him of what a nightmare it had been to lose her.