Do We Let Go?

9| A Baby!

Don't ignore your own potential.

OhmygodOhmygodOhmygod

A pregnancy test? Oh. My. God. No...this can't be...My heart is beating so fast in my chest, I can hear it in my ears, and yet, I can hardly breathe. My fingers shake as they hold the tiny white stick. I stare at it with wide eyes, feeling hyperventilated.

A pregnancy test!!! Breathe Zara, breathe. In and out. In and-- But it's a pregnancy test!!! Okay...I need some help here or else I'll probably die of heart attack in the next few minutes or so.

Slowly, I opened the door and peeked outside. Mira and Zach were standing there, both looking worried. With a shaky breath, I said, "Mira? Please come in."

Mira hurries inside, and closes the door behind her. "Hey...you okay?"

I shake my head. "Of course not."

I sit down on the edge of the bed, feeling a little numb. Mira sits down beside me, and holds my hand. "Don't worry, okay? Just take the test. Nothing's sure yet. It may be negative.", she tells me gently. But it may also be positive. I'm afraid of that outcome.

I pull out my phone from my office purse and hand it to her. "Could you please call Andrea for me? My fingers are shaking."

I can't do this without her. I need her. Now. I wait silently when Mira's calling Andrea, but she doesn't answer her phone. I ask her to try again, after which the calls go straight to voicemail.

"She must be busy.", I conclude. She will be free after an hour. Her office hours are longer than mine. Guess I'll have to do this myself. 

"Look, Zara, we don't know if it's going to be positive, so do the test and then worry for a reason.", Mira suggested.

She's right. I could be worrying for nothing, and then maybe go home later, laughing about what a terribly agitating experience it was.

With new found strength, I stand up and near the bathroom which is attached to the room, hoping the result is negative.

It should be. It has to be. Zach said that he used protection and...well, my periods are late, but this happens quite often to me. They come late...and this could be one of those times...

I go inside the bathroom, looking at the pregnancy confirming test stick. Jeez, that looks scary.

After a few moments, I go out. Feeling shy, I ask Mira, "Do I...Do I actually have to pee on the stick?"

Thankfully, Mira doesn't laugh. "Yes, honey. There must be instructions on it.", she says, reading the instructions and then helping me out the best she could.

We had to wait for five minutes for the results to appear. Nervous sweat broke in my skin as we stood near the stick placed on a table, Mira staring at it curiously, and me unable to look at it. Those five minutes felt nothing less than five hours.

I didn't look at it. I just couldn't. When the five minutes passed, I looked at Mira. "I can't see it. Just tell me! Is it positive?"

Mira nodded and looked at the stick, and then sighed. Was it a sigh of relief or of distress, I couldn't tell. I looked at her questioningly.

"Uh...Zara, it's... it's positive.", she told me. My heart thundered in my chest. Horrified, I picked up the stick to look it. Two pink lines were there, confirming that I was pregnant.

"Shit.", I cursed, panic setting in. What am I going to do now? This means I have a baby inside me!

I am pregnant? Yeah...seems so. Oh sweet mother of Jesus...I am going to be a mother too! I continue to freak out as the doctor comes back in and takes my blood for a blood test that will confirm my pregnancy to a hundred percent.