Do We Let Go?

47| I Promise

Here's your sorrow...and here's my shoulder.

I was waiting for her. Eagerly.

I grew this little human inside my own body with my own blood, sweat and tears. She was finally here.

Zach's walking up to me, bringing our daughter inside my hospital room for the first time.

The doctor cleared her to be taken out of the NICU an hour ago. So when I woke up, I asked Zach to bring her to me.

My body hurt like hell. I was on a lot of pain medication but the worst were the stitches in my abdomen...they were a nightmare. The accident also left me with a broken bone so my one hand was already immobilized.

Oh god, he's bringing her to me.

I suppress my urge to cry, gulping down lumps of heartache and like a good mother, I extend my left hand to hold her.

Gently, Zach places her in my hand and I struggle. And I panicked. I choked on my breath. I wish I knew how to hold her better.

But the moment passes.

It passes and I maintain a good hold on her, bringing her close to my chest and then just looking at her.

She literally took my breath away.

My eyes filled with tears and they quickly fell down one after the other.

"Oh god." I cried in a whisper.

I looked up at Zach's emotional face, my chin wobbling.

"I made her. I made her." I just couldn't believe it. This tiny, tiny human. This beautiful little thing and I made her. It's unbelievable that she was inside of me all this time.

"Oh, she's so beautiful, Zach." I breathed through the pain.

Zach smiled in a bittersweet manner. He lifted up his hand to my face to brush my tears away and I flinched for a second. He didn't seem to notice.

"She has my eyes, you know." He murmured and my heart broke just a little more at that. She was sleeping so I couldn't see. 

She has his eyes.

She had light brown skin, a lot like mine. Eyes like his. A perfect combination of both of us. She had a lot of hair as well and smelled heavenly, the way babies tend to.

The rest, I couldn't really say. Babies tend to change a lot in the first few months. And I wouldn't be there for that.

I kept staring at her. I literally couldn't take my eyes away. This little baby of mine. So, so cute. Her peaceful form slept so comfortably in my arms. 

"I'm a mother." The realization struck me hard.

"I'm her mother." I cried. The tears just wouldn't stop. "She's my daughter." I whispered, looking at the little girl in my arm, having no idea how I'd suddenly become so grown up as to be holding my own child today.

I looked at Zach, checking to see if he thought this was as unbelievable to him as it was to me. I pressed her even closer to me. I brought my mouth to caress the side of her face. Warmth spread all over me and I wished she could feel just how much I loved her.

I hope she felt it the way I held her. A tear fell on her cheek. I chuckled lightly. Zach came and brushed it away, his eyes holding the same mesmerized look on his face.

She moved around in her sleep and I tightened my grip on her. "Oh, I could just hold her forever." I took a long, staggering breath and then winced at the pain in my abdomen.