Chapter 31

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Greece 3.15 p.m.
Y/n POV -

I'm so dizzy and my arms start feeling numb. I'm aware of my shallow chest breathing and try my hardest to breathe in deeply. But I'm suffocating. It's not working. I try to visualize Ethan, talking to me. Telling me he's here, with me. Keeping me safe. Not working either. Thus far I've been able to overcome each panic attack. But I'm seriously convinced this one is gonna take me out. "Y/n.." that Ava girl says to me and we lock eyes. "Ethan will be here any moment now." She adds calmly.
I nod at her, while my eyes frantically search the beach, looking for my life preserver. She must see the fear in my now bloodshot eyes and blocks my vision by hovering her head in front of me.

"Ethan will be here soon, I promise." She says while reaching out her pinky. I'm immediately distracted from every toxic memory crossing my mind and lock my pinky in hers. As if I'm grabbing on to a metaphorical life buoy. "Now breathe with me." She says as I nod again and try to match my breathing with her exaggerated inhales and exhales. "You're doing great, y/n." She reassures me as I'm focused on her pursed lips, breathing in and out. My heartrate decelerates and slowly but surely my throat opens up again, filling my lungs with air. The numbness in my arms subside and I'm still focused on Ava's breathing flow, when she reaches for her purse. Her free hand disappears in the main pocket of the bag and within 2 seconds she pulls out a note.

With me still taking captive of her pinky she hands me the note. "Read it out loud.. " she summons me. "It'll help with your breathing." Ava explains and I focus on the note. The paper is worn, it looks like she has been carrying this note with her for a good while. My voice is weak, but I start reading out each word.

[The moment that you've been knocked down, is the moment that it counts.
And the moment that you've lost yourself, is the moment that you're found.
You can see the world much clearer, when your eyes are filled with tears.
The only way to not be afraid, is to learn to face your fears.
You're not really afraid of the dark, you're afraid of a lack of light.
And it's a fear of falling, when you say you're scared of heights.
The only reason you know you're sad, is because you've been happy before.
You may say the world is an ugly place, but you're only seeing the view from your door.]

I realise my breathing has returned to a calm and deep one, when I read out the last sentence. Not only had this text calmed down my respiration. The actual message it contains hit me like a truck. I reread the last two sentences out loud before I look up from the paper. And instead of looking into Ava's eyes, I lock eyes with Ethan. He is kneeling down in front of me, trying to catch his breath, but gazing at me lovingly. Somewhere during me reading that note, Ava and I unlocked pinkies and she made way for Ethan. "Are you..?" Ethan breathes and I nod before he can finish his sentence. I'm okay. I'm surprised once again that I didn't die. But I'm okay.

He tucks my hair behind my ear and cups my cheek, before he wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a hug. Making me let go of that last piece of darkness my body is holding on to. I look over his shoulder and see Ava holding Grayson. Yes. That is right! That tiny girl, embracing this 5'11 feet tall guy, would usually translate into him holding or hugging her. But for some reason she is clearly holding him. Calming him down with her touch. She must feel my gaze, cause she turns her head towards me and smiles. Dimples dent her cheeks and I unconsciously reciprocate a faint smile. Maybe she's not that bad after all.

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