(I deleted my writing 3 times on accident so if this seems half assed I'm so sorry but I'm so angry, like it was so good the first time.) (TW ⚠️ seizure mentions, blood, panic attack, vomit mentions, urine mentions) (okay wow that sounds so bad I promise it's not)
Eventually we explained almost everything. I explained that I had different types of seizures. Absence Seizures, where it'd basically look like I zoned out. Though to me it was as though time had skipped. I explained my atonic seizures, or "drop seizures" which were less frequent for me. Essentially I would just drop my body or head. Both types usually only lasted less than a minute. And lastly, my tonic clonic seizures. I explained that they shouldn't be more than 5 minutes though usually they were between a 30-ish seconds and 3 minutes , I explained having to be turned on my side after the seizure or "recovery position", don't put anything in my mouth, don't hold me down, remove anything in my way that I could hit myself on while seizing. I'd be disoriented after my seizure so take it slow, that I wouldn't really be able to hear at first or at least understand what was being said and it'd be better to put themselves in my line of sight. I didn't like being touched at first since I might not know who's around me.
I slowly realized we had to explain every detail, the last thing was gonna be hard. I typed quickly and showed Tubbo what I had typed without actually pressing the speak button. After he took a minute to read it and put together what it said, he gave an understanding nod. I wanted him to explain for me, I was too scared, uncomfortable, embarrassed. I looked to my lap as he explained the final part,
"Tommy isn't able to control what happens during his seizure so he will have involuntary movements, such as throwing up, biting his tongue or lip, and-" I cringed awaiting the end of his statement.
"-he might not be able to control his bladder." He finished.
Before I could even think, I stood abruptly, moving towards my room quickly, barely feeling as my feet carried me there. My cheeks heating up as the statement repeated in my head. I closed the door and climbed onto my bed, bringing my knees to my chest. I had to leave before they could say anything. 'They hate you, they think you're gross, they don't want to help you, they're just stuck with you' I thought to myself.
I watched the door open but didn't care much as the thoughts kept swirling. I watched as Dream walked in.
"Hey Tom- oh my gosh" he quickly closed the door crouching next to my bed. I wasn't sure what he was looking at but I felt too numb to care. He quickly pried my hands from my legs and I looked down not realizing it happened.
"I didn't mean to, I'm sorry, I was.. I-" I said trying to painfully push the words out with deep and tiring thought on each syllable.
"Hey, Hey Tommy it's okay, it's fine. You don't need to explain. I know you don't want to talk right now." I nodded grateful he understood. I looked to my legs seeing small crescents of blood. I groaned putting my head on my knees.
"Got yourself pretty good there" he said grabbing a tissue from the box on the table. He wiped gently at the blood. I gave a weak smile nodding in agreement.
"Okay, first of all. Nobody's going to judge you. Tommy, it's involuntary and we all know that. Heck, even if it was voluntary we've probably all done it at one point or another." I laughed. He smiled glad I understood.
"Okay, c'mon" he said standing to move towards the door. I shook my head quickly.
"They aren't going to judge you. It's not embarrassing, I promise." he said reaching out his hand. I finally gave in grabbing his hand and standing from my spot, I let go and we began to walk.
We moved back to the couch and I sat down. Dream sat back in his spot.
"Tommy?" Ranboo said. He was looking down to my legs. I sighed and looked to Dream, tired of explaining myself. He almost instantly understood.
"He's fine, just got a bit in his head." He said calmly. I nodded and surveyed the room. They were still looking to me. I typed into my phone,
"I'm not sure what to say now," it said simply.
"It's okay, we understand." Nikki said with a laugh.
That's when my brain decided to start up again. 'She's laughing at you not with you, they think that you're weird, you can't even talk to them, you're weird, you made Karl clean up your puke, now they know everything about you, they hate you, they think you're crazy for toting you dog around'.
The thoughts didn't stop when I felt my chest tighten, they didn't stop when Leo stood from his spot to alert, they didn't stop when he climbed into my lap after I pushed him away, they didn't stop as I started to walk towards the bathroom and they just got worse as I sat on the bathroom floor trying to breath which felt like trying to breath through a plastic bag.
I was having a panic attack. It felt like I was suffocating, making me panic more. I gripped my chest trying so hard to breath. But eventually I couldn't do it anymore and I didn't care who heard me. I let free a frustrated mix between a sob and a yell, which was followed by a few sets of quick footsteps. I watched as the door opened, I expected to see Tubbo, or Wilbur, or even Karl. But, Technoblade crouched in front of me looking me in the eyes.
"Tommy, I need you to breathe for me okay? Just take deep breaths in and out," he said. I tried my best but it felt like I had forgotten how to breathe all together. He quickly realized and tried something else.
"Do you think you could try and mirror my breaths?" I nodded. I watched as his chest rose and fell and I tried my best to do the same though mine were a bit more shaky and short. Eventually they became more similar.
"Leo?" I asked knowing he'd help calm me down more. Technoblade nodded, he stood and opened the door quickly calling my dog. He walked in and immediately got to work laying in my lap and licking my hands and face to help ground me.
After awhile, I felt okay again. I collected myself and Leo guided me back to the living room. I sat down, feeling drained and infinitely shaky. Wilbur looked to me with concern from his spot still sitting next to Nikki who had taken her turn comforting him. I gave him my best attempt at a smile which resulted in the corners of my lips turning up a bit but it felt like all I could manage. I was tired, exhausted. All I wanted to do was sleep. I realized it was only around 1. Would my friends resent me if I slept the rest of the day? I didn't allow myself to get sucked into my thoughts.
"I want to sleep," I quickly typed into my phone.
"Okay, we don't mind" Tubbo said knowing I just wanted reassurance that they'd be okay with it. I watched as various faces fell realizing that after just having a panic attack, I wanted to make sure that I was allowed to go rest.
"Of course Tommy, you don't need to ask." Sapnap said, offering a smile. I nodded and stood, Leo guiding me forward. I slowly walked to my room and when I walked in, I closed the door with relief, but I realized Leo probably wanted a break. I walked to my door and opened it letting Leo out to go to the living room hoping Tubbo would understand. I walked to my bed and laid down trying to keep my eyes open, awaiting Leo to return. I felt alone and anxious and still needed him.
Tubbo walked back in, Leo immediately jumping onto the bed. He set down his harness on the table and left knowing the last thing I wanted was to talk. I fell asleep as Leo curled himself up against my legs.
YOU ARE READING
Tommyinnit's Service Dog
Fanfiction(based off someone else's story) Tommy struggles with ADHD Anxiety and epilepsy and has a service dog to help mitigate them but his friends are completely unaware. When Tommy's secret is revealed without his control, how will he explain to his frien...
