Still Holding On

Unaccepted

After last month unforgettable events, I gradually started isolating myself from my family and friends. I did not care much about them as I did not want her to find out and blame herself for this. Anxiously I made sure to always be available for her and whatever she might need me for. I was always on edge of what she might do next and eventually success with whatever her mind was making her do.

I was surprised much our bond got stronger; we grew closer to one another. We developed a deep Intimacy between us, I never thought existed.

                                     **********

I was still fast asleep when a message from Tami woke me up. I read the message half asleep, and I was amazed from what I was reading. I am not sure if I was excited or shocked. All I know is that I got dizzy from standing up quickly from my bed.

Tami: Good Morning beautiful, I hope you had a good night sleep. I was wondering if you would like to come to my house today. Samantha will be here maybe we can play some board games together and then go for a walk xx

Anna: Morning babe, I slept good thanks. Hope you had a good night sleep too. I do not know Tam, is it really a clever idea?

Tami: Of course, it is, I am ready to finally introduce you to my family. I want to have that with you. Everything will be okay love; you have nothing to worry about.

Anna: Okay, I will go get ready than. See you soon babe xx

I was thrilled and frightened at the same time. 'What will I wear? What will I talk to them about? What if they do not like me?' This is nerve wrecking; all the doubts and questions are making me overthink more than usual. All this anxiety is making it seem like a life-or-death situation, I kid you not. This might sound too exaggerated but how can I be calm when I am meeting a family which made my Tami feel all alone and rejected when she needed them the most.

I started getting ready and decided to wear a long floral maxi dress with white trainers and a bamboo shoulder bag with a light cardigan. I put on a light make up and I let my hair down in beach waves. I made sure to show up presentable and clean for them to have a great first impression. The least I wanted is for them to misrepresent who I am by a wrong outfit.

I was sitting on the porch waiting for Tami to come pick me up. Tami's car came into view, and I sighed. I released a deep breath and walked to where she parked her car and got in. I leaned back in the seat smiled anxiously at Tami as she started the car.

"Don't worry love, everything will be okay." she muttered. I realized that I am all alone in this endeavour since she already knows that everything will be okay and said nothing in return. Thirty minutes later, Tami's car pulled up outside her house. A trace of regret slipped through me at the thought of meeting her parents. Tami seemed like she sensed how tense I was and grabbed my hand to reassure me.

Before leaving her car, I checked myself in the rear-view mirror and arranged myself as much as I could, to avoid doing so when I am out of the car. We reached the entrance to her building and Tami paused at the doorway. She cupped my face in her hands and kissed me on my neck and said, "I promise, it will be okay. You have nothing to worry about." And we both went inside.

When we got in, both her parents were sitting on the sofa and did not give me much attention. 'that's rude' I said to myself. This was getting very awkward and was waiting for Tami to say something and break the silence.

"Mum, dad this is Anna. Anna, this is Mary my mum and Andrew my father." Tami said to all of us.

"Hello Mr Jackson and Ms Jackson, it is lovely to meet you both. Thank you for welcoming me to your lovely home." I continued anxiously.

"Oh dear, call me Andrew, now come join us. Tam, go get Anna something to drink." Andrew spoke and Tami rushed to the kitchen.

Tami's mum did not utter a single word to me, she only glanced at me a couple of times and a couple of dry smiles in between. I felt Judged and definitely not welcome by her. I was avoiding eye contact with her and fidgeting with my dress. I was very uncomfortable and was eagerly waiting for Tami to come back from the kitchen and join me.

I was contemplating whether I should give them the gift I bought for them before coming to their house. I asked Tami to stop by a convenience store so I could buy something small for her parents. I decided on buying them a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates.

I sent Tami a messaged and told her that I was not feeling okay. I asked her to find an excuse for us to leave without causing a scene or having her parents questioning our sudden departure. Tami came rushing to where I was and told her parents that we had to leave urgently as she forgot she had an assignment to finish with one of the University students. She apologized to them and to me, to make it more believable. I stood up from my seat and gave Andrew the gift I got for the both of them and smiled shily at him. He thanked me and walked us out.

"I am sorry you had to leave all of a sudden, I hope to see you again, Anna. It was lovely to meet you." Andrew said genuinely.

"Thank you for your warm hospitality. See you, Andrew." I continued and walked to where the car was parked.

Tami gave me a wired look as soon as we both got in her car and was waiting for an explanation. I told Tami what happened with her mother and explained how judged and uncomfortable I felt while she was in the kitchen. I told her that I would love to come again sometime but I suggested she has a talk with her mother and make sure she really is onboard of having me in her house. She tried to speak, but she was choked with tears.

"Why is she doing this to me?" she said, in a toneless, quite voice.

"I do not know Tam, that's why I suggested for you to have a talk with your mother. May I ask you something?" I continued, and she nodded.

"Does she know about us, about our relationship?" I asked.

"Yes, I came out ages ago Anna. She just never spoke to me about this topic. When I asked if I could bring you home, she said nothing. On the contrary, both my father and Samantha were okay with it. I am sorry for the way you felt in her presence, and I am sorrier for not giving you a heads up. I just wanted to have you home with me so bad, I had to try." She explained with a lump in her throat, blinking away the tears.

I moved in and hugged her tight. 'If hugs healed, I would hold her all night' I thought. Tami buried her face in my shoulder, hugging me back.