Still Holding On

Confessions

Adrenaline coursed through my veins and facing forward I began to run. I darted past people and old buildings up till the bus shelter. "This was all for nothing" I thought. Samantha is nowhere to be found as if she vanished into thin air. I could not keep my breathing steady, so I just sat on one of the bus stops.

I looked back and saw Tami approaching slowly, anger developed with every closer step she took.

"God Anna, how is it possible to move this fast?" Tami said with chilly air bit into her lungs.

"Just shut up and leave me alone already." I told Tami as my cheeks flushed with anger.

From her eyes I could surmise she was profoundly shocked by my replied.

"Look Anna, Me being here today isn't a coincidence, on the contrary to what you both thought, I knew about the deal between you two, so I followed her." "I came here so you could hear the truth from me and not my sister. So, when you are done raging, we can find a nice spot and we can talk." She explained the situation truthfully.

I could feel my blood pressure rise even though I did everything in my power to control my rage and not to break, probably because she was right. "She did say she was here to tell me the truth Afterall." I thought.

Tami stood before me with staring eyes, while I was lost in my thoughts.

"How nice of you, why don't you start by telling me, where your brother is? why isn't he here? Why is he sending you every time?" I spat angrily.

She said nothing so I stood up and started walking to a nearby picnic area, with Tami trying to keep up with my pace. When we arrived, it was empty, and we were the only ones there.

"Good enough for me to make a scene, now Spill the beans." I mumbled.

"I am going to tell you everything, just promised me you will give me time to explain, all of it. Promise me you will not leave the minute you hear something you don't like." Tami sighed.

"Okay, yes I promise, now go ahead." I replied not knowing what to expect.

"God, I don't know from where to start, I can't even sugar-coat it. This is all so messed up." She looked worried.

I decided to take a walk as my anxiety was rising and a panic attack was forming. I found a gazebo and sat there for a while and saw Tami coming next to me with tears in her eyes. 'Shit just got real' I thought. From her look I realized that whatever she was about to say, would forever change our friendship.

Tami sat next to me, without mounting a word, I could sense her tension. However, I could not see past my anger and despair. My nerves were soaring, and my body was shaking with rage. Tami placed her hand on mine to comfort me, but I was having none of that tonight. I quickly pulled my hand away from her grip and turned to face her.

"Cut the crap Tam and explain why am I here? Where is Theo? why is it that whenever I am expecting him, it is you who always shows up?" I told her.

By now Tami was turning pale, right in front of me. I could tell she was not expecting this sudden outburst of rage from me. Her eyes started tearing up and I knew she was bearing sad news. I just could not wait any longer to find out what was going on.

"Ok, Anna let me explain. Please just give me a chance to explain myself, promise me you will listen through what I have to say, and just bear in mind that I never meant to hurt you." I did not reply to her.

"Theo doesn't exist!!" She blurted.

The second those words came out of her lips I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. My blood was boiling, and I was shaking beyond control as I spat out to her.

"What do you mean he doesn't exist?"

"Please Anna let me finish. I came here to tell you the truth and nothing more. I am going to be truly honest with you and I know the chances of you forgiving me are slim, but I can't go on like this." "I want you to know everything and I hope you find it in your heart to understand me and hopefully forgive me. I made Theo up, I am Theo! Anna I am so sorry but please understand my intentions were not to hurt you and I meant every word I said to you. I was afraid of losing you and that's why I never found the courage to let you know it was me all along."

Tami looked down she was ashamed of what she had done. Tears were rolling down my cheeks and my feelings where all over the place.

"So, all this time you had me believe you where my friend! You had me fall in love with someone who does not really exist!"

As soon as I stated my feelings for Theo my anger and sorrows engulfed me. Tami lifted her head looking shocked now more than ever. I could not believe that I had finally admitted my feelings for Theo.

Tami grabbed my hand but as soon as she opened her mouth I pulled away. By now I was hysterical, I could not stand to see her in front of me.

"Anna I am sorry, please forgive me." Tami said crying.

"I can't ... I just can't, please leave me alone." I pleaded.

"I will not leave you like this; this was my doing and somehow I want to make it better."

I was now angrier than I was before, how can she make it better after she screwed everything up.

"You don't listen do you? I want to be left alone." And with that I stood up and ran as fast as I could.

I ran far, not knowing where I was going but at least I was getting far away from Tami. "How could she do this to me, I feel betrayed and hurt. This cannot be happening to me." I thought.

I was lost in thoughts and running as rain started pouring. I could feel the icy water on me but that did not stop me from running. My body was cold, and my feet were wet. It was now dark outside and with the heavy rain I could not see anything. My mind was going in and out between the haze hitting me, my hair slapping my face and what just happened with Tami.

My mind kept replaying what had just happened. "Theo, Tami, Theo, Tami." I kept Murmuring and everything turned black. I could hear someone calling my name in the distance franticly, someone was shaking me and that is when I opened my eyes. Tami was hovered over me shaking me and calling my name.

"What is wrong with you, why can't you just disappear already." I tried shouting.

"Anna please, at least let me just take you home." She said with guilt in her eyes.

I was soaking wet lying in a puddle of water. I must have passed out while running. I tried to get up but as soon as I was standing on my two feet everything started spinning. Tami was holding me close to her, protecting me as if I was a porcelain doll. She helped me walk to a nearby bench making sure I did not trip or fall.

Tami moved closer and grabbed my waist, I winced back but she put one of her hands on mine and gave me a genuine smile. Without knowing, I gave up and nodded. I knew she was going to take care of, and make sure I was home safely, so I trusted her. She helped me sit down and I shivered still wrapped in her embrace. Tami put a jacket over my shoulders and sat beside me sighing.

We both sat there for a while looking straight ahead, no one dared to utter a single word. I did not know what to say anyway. I have never been in this situation before, and I did not understand how someone would go this far to mislead others with a bunch of lies instead of just being themselves. All I know is that I never thought that the one I fell in love with would be the one who break my heart.