Still Holding On

After all...

We stayed in that position for what felt like hours. It is funny that we came here to talk about the kiss we shared the other day and ended up with no talking whatsoever.

Although I am enjoying the days spent with Tami, I was still dazzled about the whole Tami and Theo situation. It is weird how sometimes you end up wanting something you are completely ignorant off. I should be crying right now, I should be missing Theo but instead here I was kissing the person who catfished me, who made me fall in love with a person who does not exist for a year.

"Anna?" Tami asked confused, it is as if she knew what I was thinking about. "Are you okay? Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"These couple of days spent with you, were amazing, but at the same time odd in many ways, I can't describe. I am feeling so many emotions with you, emotions I never felt before and it rattles me." I blurted.

What I said is true, I did not know whether choosing to be with her was the right thing to do or not, but it was what I wanted and I went for it.

"I completely understand, I promise I will make it worth your while." her voice was kind.

"This is all new to me, I am inexperienced, and I have no idea on how to behave." I murmured shyly.

Tami brought her hands up to my face, and with the pad of her thumb she brushed my cheek and gave me a gentle kiss. "Don't worry I will guide you." she said in a naughty tone of voice.

The days rolled by as me and Tami got to know each other more. As our relationship progressed, we kept it to ourselves. I was not sure if I was ready to come out to the world just yet.

Me and Tami would meet and hang out in the countryside, away from the hustle and bustle of the city. 'At least until I figure this out.' I said to myself.

                                  ........................

Tami had organised a picnic, 7am she said as she kissed me goodnight. The next day 7am on the dot, she texted.

Tami: I am outside you ready? xx

I slipped my trainers, gave kisses to my parents, waved them goodbye and shut the door behind me.

I will not see them for a whole weekend since my father surprised my mother with an all-inclusive weekend break.

"Hey there sleepyhead!" Tami said as soon as she laid her eyes on me.

I was never a morning person and this morning it showed. "Could we stop for coffee on our way to the park?" I asked half asleep.

We ordered two lattes to go. "One with an extra shot pls." She teased.

I gave her a look and we both broke down laughing. Tami wrapped her arm around my shoulder, and we went ahead to the front door. As we were ready to walk out, I saw a two of my friends walk in. I hid beneath my hoody, hoping to not be recognized.

"Anna!" I heard Nora shout my name.

I quickly loosened up from Tami's grasp.

"Hey where have you been?" She mouthed. "Are you avoiding us? Who is your new friend here?" She said pointing at Tami.

"Ah this is Tami my friend from work."

Nora gave me a questioning look, so I added that we were going to work together for an upcoming project. I said goodbye and rushed out of the coffee shop before she could ask me anything else.

During the whole ride Tami was silent, there was tension between us. I could tell she was upset by my behaviour. As we arrived, she unloaded the car and set up the picnic area without mouthing a word. She put on her hoody and went for a walk. I called her and rushed after her.

"What?" She said angrily.

"Why are you avoiding me?" I argued.

"Oh, I thought you were here for work, you know for the project we don't have." She spat.

"Tami please, what was I supposed to say. She caught me off guard. I do not even know what we are. How do I put a definition to this?" I continued pointed at both of us.

I was confused, Nora's question took me by surprise and answered before I could think.

"What do you want us to be?" Tami hissed.

My eyes started to tear as I could not answer that question. She looked at me straight in my eyes, waiting for my reply.... Nothing, I just could not put my thoughts into words, so I stood there in complete silence. Tami turned around to leave giving me a look that could kill. I grabbed her by the hand and pulled her to face me and did what we do best. I kissed her passionately, hoping to be able to show her what my true feelings are, what I tried so hard to explain minutes before.

I smirked as she grabbed my face harshly in her palm. She looked me in my eyes and responded back furiously. Tami pressed me against the tree trunk kissing my neck without any notice. I pulled my head back giving her full access and she looked at me with a devilish smirk.

We lock eyes for just a moment as she lifted me off my feet, carrying me towards the throw over she set on the grass. In seconds she was on me, my mind was no longer in charge as our tongues entwined in a kiss, in a way I have always wanted to be kissed. I became intoxicated by her lips, addicted to her touch.

She pulled away from me and I moaned as she started down my neck. A burning sensation hit me as she brushed her lips on my neck. As the kisses became harder, one of her hands ran through my hair as the other slid around my waist, a gesture that sent my head spinning as she invaded all my senses.

"Fuck!" She breathes into my mouth.

'Holly mother of God!!!' I could feel my cheeks bright red as I was still panting trying to gain back air.

Sitting down she stretched out her hands, her eyes shimmer as she looked up at me and I intertwined my fingers with hers. She felt my nervousness and pulled me in for a hug.

"I am sorry for the way I acted earlier; I shouldn't have." She said out of the blues.

"It's okay, I mean I shouldn't have lied to them either. This is all new to me and I will not promise it will not happen again, but I promise you that one day I will be ready to shout it out loud." I continued truthfully.

"Well, if you kiss me just like you did, I'm telling you I will not complain." she said with a wink.

I could feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment once again as she burst laughing and kissed me on my forehead. I pouted and gave her a friendly push with my shoulder. She wrapped her arm around my waist as I buried my head in her chest. Her embrace was warm as the word around me melted away I squeezed her back, just when I was comfortably enjoying the moment, not wanting this it to end but my stomach growled.

A soft laughed escaped her throat as she reached out for the cooler bag and took out two containers, one full of sandwiches and the other one with tuna dip and crackers. The smell made my mouth water and my stomach growled more in anticipation.

She held the container with sandwiches towards me. I shyly grabbed a piece and waited for her to get one herself and we ate in silence, admiring our surroundings.

When we were ready from a lavish and sumptuous lunch, we packed everything and decided to walk for a little bit. We walked through a small path which led to a stunning lake. Tami grabbed a stone and threw it across the still water. After three skips the stone sank and with that the lake looked like glass mirroring the sky above. A deep sense of serenity overcame as I stared at the ray of lights dancing across the water.

Tami tapped on my shoulders, grabbed my hand, turned, and started walking back to the parking area.

"Would you like to come to my place? We can order a takeaway and watch movies if you like." I blurted out.

"What?? But what about your parents? What will you tell them?" She said in confusion.

"Well for starters they aren't there, they went on a weekend break and my sister went over her friend's house for a sleep over. So, what do you think?" I stated, hoping I was convincing enough.

"I'd love that. Thank you for inviting me over, this means a lot." She said smiling.