Still Holding On

Here goes nothing

It was 17 minutes after midnight. That is when I woke up panting from my nightmare. While still trembling, I heard my phone buzzing, so I grabbed it from underneath my pillow. It was him again and I decided to wait for him to hang up. He did and that is when I noticed the amount of missed calls and messages I had from Theo. For a moment I felt sorry for worrying him like that, but determination took over me and choose to call him back, this time knowing exactly what I had to say.

"Hello Anna, is this you? Where have you been? what happened to you? Have you got any idea how worried I was, and still am. God damn it, I have been calling you all night." He replied freaked out yet still whispering.

"Hello Theo" I replied calmer but still cranky.

After the brief conversation I had with Clara I realized that meeting Theo is what I really wanted.

"Anna!! what happened, are you still there? Please talk to me." He asked worriedly.

"Yes, Theo I am still here. Last night I planned to lie to you, I planned to tell you that I was not feeling good but now I will tell you exactly why I choose to ignore your calls and messages." I exclaimed holding back my tears.

"Theo, we have been chatting for more than 3 months now and I think it's time for us to finally meet, don't you agree?" I asked calmly.

"Not this again Anna"

"Yes Theo" I said firmly standing my grounds. I was determined to make my point clear to him.

"This feels like a deal breaker, unless you can give me an honest reason why we cannot meet. I cannot keep assuming and coming up with excuses as to why you are so against us meeting. Explain to me please, why will you not give us a chance. At least you owe me this! Am I not good enough for you?" I said fanatically as all my emotions came out in a haze while I gasped crying my eyes out.

"Anna, please stop crying. I cannot tell you why just yet, it is too soon. Maybe one day, please forgive me." He said with a hint of sadness.

"I can't ask you to understand nor to wait until I am ready to tell you the truth, but please just know that I care for you."

And just like that he left me speechless, but I could not stop now, not when he was somehow letting me in.

"No, Theo I can't stop this, not until you agree to meet. I don't know what you are so afraid of, please know that I will not judge you, whatever the reason is." I uttered.

Theo went silent, I could not believe what was happening. "I am scared, scared to lose him for good. why did I have to be so selfish, why could not I accept the situation I am in." For a moment I thought I lost all the determination I had, but Although I was scared, I could not seem to let it go.
I wanted to see him so bad. I had to find a way, but I had to make sure not to lose him in the process. "Think Anna.... Think!!" I told myself.

"Theo, talk to me. I am sorry for causing you all this hassle and I am sorry for being so stubborn. If it makes you feel better, I promise I will stop pressuring you, but I want you to know that even I care for you. Please just talk to me." I said now feeling scared and hurt at the same time.

He kept quiet for some time but then he said what I have been waiting to hear for the past 3 months.

"Listen Anna, I am sorry too, I can see now how much you really want this, so why don't we plan a day out and we go from there?" l was beyond excited and could not believe what he just said.

"Oh my god, is this really happening? will I get to finally see you?" I said still shocked and heard him chuckle, which made my heart melt.

"Of course, you will!!" And with that we ended our phone call.

As usual we spent the day messaging each other, but today was special because we were planning our date together. It feels too good to be true, probably because I am still surprised that he accepted to meet.

We planned to go for lunch, somewhere quite where we could talk and see where it could take us. However, I wanted more, and now that I had the chance, so I proposed to go and watch a movie after our lunch date, and once again he was. 

                                 ..........................

At last, the day arrived, I was eager to finally meet the person who had me fall for him after these months.

I had everything planned, my clothes were ready on my bed, along with my makeup, accessories, and hair products. We planned to meet at around 6pm in one of the most beautiful cities close by.

It was now 4pm, Theo stopped texting a few minutes ago, so I decided to go and have a quick shower. After the shower I got dressed in a blue ripped jeans with a brand-new brown top and a brown cardigan. I did some natural make up and noticed that an hour had passed already, so quickly I straightened my hair, put everything I needed in my purse and left to catch the bus.

As soon as I arrived at the bus station excitement took over, I can barely put into words my emotions and I felt things I cannot explain. The journey seemed endless but finally I was in front of the cafeteria where we planned to meet.

The smell of coffees and fries welcomed me as soon as I stepped foot inside the shop. Looking at my phone I checked the time, I was a little bit early, so I decided to find a booth for us. Immediately I texted Theo letting him know that I arrived. I noticed that he never replied to my other message, which was strange. However, I did not give it much thought and ordered an espresso macchiato while waiting. At half past six I decided to give him a call since I did not hear from him since 4pm. I tried calling him to no avail and decided to wait for him a bit longer. "Was I being stood up?" My mind was once again baffled. Another hour passed, I could feel a sense of shame and anger, "could it be? would he show up? "I was getting impatient but worried at the same time.

A lady approached me, telling me that she was Theo's sister. She said that he could not make it because he had an emergency, so he sent her instead.

I was devastated to say the least but agreed to spend the day with her, thinking that I can get some information about him because thinking about it I almost knew nothing about him.

I felt awkward because of her appearance. She had short hair, wearing black clothes and a black and white Vans. She noticed I was checking her out and asked if we should go to the cinema. On our way to the cinema, I noticed two things, one she had two phones and when she caught me staring at them, instantly she told me that he gave her his phone just in case and two she was walking behind me all the time.

The cinema was full, so we had to que for the tickets.

"Anna why don't you choose a movie in the meantime?" Tami suggested.

There were five movies to choose from, Twilight, Mamma Mia, Marley & Me, Iron man and Ramen Girl.

"I think I want to watch Twilight, because I already watched Mamma Mia and Marley & Me while I don't like the other two. Is that okay for you?"

"Yes of course. Twilight it is then." She said smiling.

It was finally our turn.

"Two tickets for Twilight please" Tami told the ticket seller. I saw her taking money out of her pockets to pay for both our tickets.

"No Tami wait, let me pay for my ticket."

"Don't worry about it, Theo gave me enough money for both of us." She said winking at me, making it more awkward than it already was.

During the movie I felt uncomfortable as Tami's gaze upon me. This was the kind of date I had in mind. I just wanted to zoom up and leave, and yet I was concerned of what she would think of me or better yet what she would say to Theo. I decided to make the most out of the evening and that I was to put up with this situation and at least I would try to extort as many information as possible in hopes of finding out what Theo was so afraid of.

Heading out of the theatre Tami asked If it was ok to walk with me to the bus station, and as much as I just wanted to escape, I accepted. On the way we chatted, I could tell she was a great sister and imagined us becoming friends one day.

"The movie was amazing Anna, I really enjoyed it."

"Yeah, me too" I said smilingly.

"I guess this is it" I said pointing at the bus.

"Thanks for the evening, and say hi to Theo for me, I hope all is fine." We hugged and parted ways.