A Romy story

Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Things often change. Maybe not always for the better, but change is an inevitable part of lahfe. Ah'm changing raht nah. Ah don't know hah exactly, but Ah know Ah am. Ah feel different abaht people, Ah feel different abaht mahself. Ah can't explain hah Ah know, Ah just do...Do Ah lahke it? No, but what can Ah do? Ah can't stop change, no one can. No matter hah much we may want to.

Later that evening, when the majority of the school was preparing for bed, Rogue was just waking up. She had been taken up to her room by teleporting with Kurt and had then fallen asleep the moment her head had hit the pillow on her bed. She had slept deeply and peacefully until a sudden pain in her head hit her sharply. Remy explained that it was a sign that her mind was under too much pressure and now she needed to rest it. He had then faded away so he could rest and that unfortunately meant that he couldn't block out the voices like he normally did. So, bearing in mind that her brain wouldn't be able to handle anything too taxing, Rogue decided to spend the next couple of hours listening to music, eating chocolate and doing nothing that required too much brain power.

She hadn't been doing nothing for very long before a knock came at her door. Rogue looked up from staring off into space and turned her gaze to the door. After a second, she took hold of the remote for her CD player and turned it off. Having a mouth full of chocolate at the time and being therefore unable to speak clearly, Rogue slipped off of the bed with a slight wince and padded over to the door. Upon opening it, she found Logan standing on the other side. She mentally gave a small sigh before wordlessly stepping aside to allow him entrance to her room. Once he was in, she gently closed the door until she heard a small click. So much for laying around doing nothing.
"I heard the music so I figured you were awake." He told her, sounding awkward. Rogue gave a slow nod and a small smile in reply...Then silence... "I just came just came to make sure you're all right, but I see the chocolate's out, so..." He joked with a forced grin, to which Rogue responded by giving and equally forced laugh...Another silence, longer this time...
Rouge shifted a little, the silence making her uncomfortable. She knew what Logan really wanted to ask her. He was just too nervous at what her answer would be. She laughed inside at the thought of Logan being nervous about anything. It wasn't normal for him to feel nervous and that in itself was making her feel nervous as well. Plus, she had several voices yelling inside her head and that along with the silence was starting to creep her out.
"Ah don't know whah ya scared me so much earlier." She said suddenly, intent on breaking the silence and getting the main question out in the open. "Ah was still shaken and totally exhausted and Ah guess Ah was kinda confused." She continued weakly, really pouring on the honey and using "poor, innocent Marie" to the fullest. And it worked like a charm and she watched as the big, bad Wolverine practically melted in front of her.
"It was my fault as well kid. I was too hard on ya, considering the situation." He admitted gently. However, that admission of fault was met by another period of silence, one caused again by Logan wanting to ask something but not knowing how. Rogue wasn't going to bring this question forward though. She didn't want to have to lie to him, not again. "Marie...What really happened to you?" He finally asked.
Rouge hung her head down and stared at her bare feet. Could she really tell him the truth? It would be nice to get things out in the open and maybe the others might actually be able to help...No, she couldn't. She didn't want to worry everyone even more and anyway, she was handling okay...Wasn't she? What if she did need some help? What if it was only a matter of time before she cracked under the pressure...Don't be silly! She'd be fine. Voices in her head yelled disagreements and discouraging words at her but she ignored them. There, she thought, that was proof in itself that she could handle everything. But was it something she could keep up? Maybe if...No, she could keep it up. But what if...No! No one needed to know.
"Ah told ya before." She murmured while keeping her head down. "Ah was jumped by a bunch of mutant haters."
"That's the story ya gonna stick with?" Logan checked, giving her one last chance to tell the truth.
"Yeah...Because it's what happened." Rogue answered quietly, her head remaining down. Logan studied her for a moment. She was lying, it was obvious. But without solid evidence, it was her word against his.
"Fine." He grunted eventually, trying his hardest to sound like he wasn't even slightly bothered by Rogue's unwillingness to tell him the truth. He walked across the room, heading back to the door.
Rogue watched his feet go by her own and lifted her head slightly once he was past her. She saw he was opening the door to leave and she felt a pang inside. Was he so disgusted and angry at her for lying that he was going to leave without even saying bye? Would he even talk to her in the morning? Fearing that this would be the case, Rogue decided to try and make peace.
"Naht Logan." She murmured softly. He froze halfway out the door and swivelled his upper body around to look at her. She'd gone back to staring at the floor again.
"G'night Marie." He replied just as softly before leaving the room and closing the door behind him. Once the door was closed, Rogue's shoulders sagged and she ran a hand over her face and through her hair. Why was she acting like this? She was being such a jerk! Lying, mood swings. It was all so unlike her. And that moment just then with Logan. That had been awful. She'd felt so uncomfortable throughout and not just because of the constant voices in her head. Just being around him had made her feel antsy, she just didn't know why.
A dull throb began to ache in her head again and she rubbed her eyes tiredly. She'd been thinking too much. She needed to go back to relaxing and eating chocolate. She moved back over to her bed and laid back down, once again wincing. The side of her stomach which had been hit by the stool was still horribly painful. She had checked it when she had first woken up. Her whole side was practically covered in an awful purply-yellow bruise. The cut above her eye stung a little but the small plaster she had over it at least meant it would keep clean and any knocks would hurt less. She shifted into the most comfortable position she could find before relaxing and letting her mind wander away. After an hour or so, without even meaning to, she fell asleep. Unaware of everything except what she was dreaming, two voices were free to talk inside her subconscious.
"How are t'ings goin'?" Remy questioned.
"She's getting worse Remy. Ah don't know hah much longer she's gonna be able to keep things normal." A different, new, voice replied.
"Do you t'ink it time to tell her dhe truth dhen?" he inquired.
"No, Ah've already told you. She can't know anything." The voice reminded. "Trust me, Ah've known Rogue since she was a baby and Ah know how she'll react. If she knows abaht it, she'll think abaht it. If she thinks abaht it, she'll concentrate on it. If she concentrates, it'll be harder to keep the barriers up. It's getting more difficult everyday as it is."
"Wha' if she figures it ou' on her own? Marie's a smart girl. Remy t'ink you sometimes forget dhat." He pointed out.
"Ah won't let her figure it aht. Just keep up the pretence that it's you who knows what to do and it's you helping her and everything will stay fahne. And, if something does go wrong, Ah've got an emergency plan. Speakin' of plans," The voice changed the subject. "We're gonna have to bump Rogue fahnding the real you up the schedule. Ah have to have more help with the barriers and, if everything goes to plan, he'll help, even if it's unconsciously."
"Fine." Remy agreed, though he sounded reluctant. "And anot'er t'ing Remy been meaning to talk to yo' abou'. Why didn' yo' let her tell dhe Wolverine 'bout anyt'ing? Dhe X-men may be able to help her."
"The X-men will treat her like a schizophrenic and pump her full of drugs and that's the last thing she needs. If her system is full of pills and junk then it'll make it harder for me to stay in control." The voice explained. "Whah do ya sound so disgruntled anyway? Ya know Ah'm doin' mah best to save her."
"Remy jus' t'ink you goin' 'bout it dhe wrong way." He replied with a slightly bitter tone.
"Well, Remy don't know half as much as Ah do, so Remy's opinion don't count." The voice shot back, irritated by Remy's dig. "Nah, if ya don't mahnd, Ah have barriers to maintain."
With that, the conversation ended.