The Shift That Change My Life. [H.S.][English version]

Depression part 2

HARRY'S POV

1 month and a half....

A month and a half, that she left me, even if I would like to hated her for abandoned me, I cannot, because everything is my fault I screwed up ... Royally screwed up. I miss her at one point it's ridiculous. I really don't understand anything about my life anymore.

The first week I cried, I didn't know I had so many tears in me, but lo and behold, I cried like a kid for a full week. The rest of the gang, but especially Niall, Jess and Rosie try somehow to get back in touch with my sweetheart. She replied ... 1 time ... to say that she had arrived at the villa and that she needed to be totally alone and therefore that she wanted us to "let her in fucking peace" , these are her words, not mine.

The second week I started drinking. Why ? Because seeing Rosie's crying face in my twin's arms broke my heart even more, she misses her best friend. They who always said us three against the world and well, 1 of the three people are missing, and unfortunately for Rosie and Jess, this is the most important person that they miss because she is the one who brings them together. Now that MY Vicky is gone the two girls hardly speak to each other, she tries to pretend everything is fine in front of me, but I know not, their anchor is gone and I'm afraid it's for good.

The third and fourth week, the alcohol that I drink without stopping to forget looks at the depress of others and also to forget the fact that my bride, left me, now makes me violent, but really kind of violent. I do not recognize myself anymore. I destroyed 4 hotel rooms. I do not hit anyone, but I hit the walls, to have my hands bleeding, but also the walls besides in addition to their holes.

The fifth week I had a fight with Zayn, I didn't want to, but he spoke badly about Vicky, I wouldn't say why, because I can't remember I was too drunk. However, I know that this made Jess in an impossible anger, she left the room, for my part I should have done the same, but no instead of that I got up and I stuck a right to him. The others tried to calm me down, but I struggled, and I jumped on Zayn again, he gave me a nasty punch on the nose and  I fell, again too drunk. .

Week six was clearly the worst. Why ? Well because once again I fucked up solid. On Wednesday, we arrived in another hotel, I hardly remember the evening except, I had my final break with my Darling. I woke up with a start. Actually no, but I thought I was sleeping, I was so drunk, that I thought I was dreaming that I was making love to Vicky. Instead it was Camille, whom I called Vicky by the way. (Ah, frankly, I don't even know how I got to get it hard, I really must have thought it was Vicky with me and not the other jug.) However, when Vicky answered my call and that she told me what it was to go through in what I thought was my dream, the nightmare really began. She told me that she regretted having met me. I tried to call her the rest of the night but she never answered me and that's when I realized she would never come back, I had gone way too far in my ability to screw things up.

Today is a shitty day like any other since she left. I miss her so much, I wish she would give me one last chance. May she give us a chance. I talked about it with Niall and the girls, and I want to go see her. I tell myself that if she has me in her face, she won't be able to reject me, right? No, but it's true, she left without me knowing it is the only times she spoke to me since her on the phone where she can end the conversation at any time what she did to two times. Niall told me that wasn't a good idea, at least not now that I look like a "walking wreck", it's his words not mine. However, Rosie and Jess, they think it is a good idea, but that I must first recover. For my part, I want her to see how I am right now, because she's the one who made me like this, I don't want her to see it as revenge or as if I wanted Vicky to be hurt because it really isn't, I just want her to see that I'm just as destroyed as she is by our mess situation.

So what should I do? Go see her, looking like a "walking wreck" as Nialler would say, or go see her when I have gone through the detox, makeover, and weight gain box?

I'm lost.

Do I have to go see her too, or do I leave her alone? I miss her so much, I need to see her, but I know she needs to be alone ... What do I have to do not to screw it up, again?

I need help !

I really need help, I don't want to lose her ... At least I don't want to lose her anymore than now, I know deep down that she and me are for endgame , I know she knows it too. I hope she will change her mind. Seriously, I would have never think of falling in love with a fan ... It's true that at first, she wasn't, but hey ... I never thought of falling in love with a girl like MY Vicky, but it's happened, and I don't see how I could make my life without her, since she said: Yes!

So what do I do?