you really got a hold on me | john lennon

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

October 16th, 1959

I tread up to the door of Mimi's flat and knock lightly. She had called me just a few minutes ago to come over last-minute after I came home from school which gave me little to no time to at least freshen up.

Everything about me looked like a disheveled mess — from my hair which was quickly thrown up into a bun to my wrinkled clothing. Less than ideal way to present myself to a woman as intimidating as Mimi, but what else could I do? Any sort of cleaning up I would've done would've taken at least twenty minutes and I didn't want to keep her waiting.

Mimi opened the door up for me, a thin smile on her face.

"Natalie! Sorry for asking you to come on such short notice," She gestured for me to come in with her arm. "I promise to let you know in advance next time."

"It's quite alright, Mimi. Was there anything important you needed to tell me? You sounded a bit frantic on the phone earlier." I sat down on the sofa and tamed down my hair a bit to look the least bit presentable.

"Ah, it's not me I called you over for."

My eyebrow raises for a second about who this may be about until John shuffles out from the other room. He had his Buddy Holly style glasses on and you could almost say he had me beat when it came to how disheveled we looked.

He just stares at me for the longest time without saying anything that it almost felt like we were doing a staring match. I wonder what had gotten into John's head for him to act so unlike himself.

"I — er —just wanted to say thank you for the guitar you dropped off here. Mimi told me that it was from you the other day. I really appreciate it. Must've cost ye a lot."

"Of course. Glad to hear you're enjoying the gift nicely."

John cheeks start to flush a bright red and he looks down to his feet, looking embarrassed for whatever reason he had. Sometimes I really wondered if this was still the real John I grew up with and not some clone or look-alike because of how off he was anytime I was around.

"Natalie, if you would excuse us. I just need to talk to John for a few minutes. Please, make yourself comfortable." Mimi leads a blushing John up the stairs, looking very disappointed in something or someone.

"Oh. Um, take your time."

The two of them disappear up the stairs and as they go into what I think would be John's room, I hear Mimi's stern voice and then a door slamming shut.

. . .

John's POV

"Goodness sake, John," Mimi shuts the door behind her so that Nat wouldn't be able to hear anything that she might say next. "Talk to the girl! It mustn't be that hard, you've known each other since you two were children.

"That's exactly what makes it harder! And why are you so invested in this anyway? What is it about her?" I slouch onto my bed, the mattress bouncing down under my weight.

"John, now isn't the time to start making up excuses. You know how you feel, don't you?"

I put my head in my hands, not understanding why I was like this either. Everytime I wanted to tell her I just chickened out of it at the last minute. All I wanted in the world right now was to get this off of my chest. Keeping it all in around Nat and making sure Cyn didn't find out was tiring. It was like I was constantly lying to myself all the time.

"Yeah, of course I know. But how about Nat? Have you seen the way she looks at me now?"

"John, she feels the same way about you. Whatever 'looks' you're going on about doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does Mimi!" I looked up at her giving me a look that just gave off a sense of pity. That look didn't come from her often, but when it did? It just made me feel miserable and helpless. "A few weeks ago she didn't look at me like that. She used to look at me with this sense of affection in her eyes. And now the only time I see her look how she used to with me is when she's with Paul."

"Are you sure? You must be taking it all the wrong way —"

"There's nothing to be taken the wrong way here, Mimi. I've missed my only damn chance."

"You can always try. Who knows what she might say?"

"No, I'm not going to make a proper idiot out of myself. She doesn't feel the same way anymore, plain and simple. I've got to just accept it now, don't I? Nothing else to do."

God only knows I wanted to try with Nat, I really did. But last time when we were a few inches away from kissing, she backed away from me. It showed just how much she loved Paul much more than this little childish crush that she might've had for me at some point in time. But even if I knew all this...why did I still want her this badly? Someone that I couldn't have over someone that I already did, Cyn.

"Well, if you've made your mind then. We shouldn't keep her waiting down there any longer."

I nod silently, not even agreeing with what I had just said to Mimi. But it was the only right way to go, wasn't it?

. . .

After a few minutes of just hearing their muffled voices upstairs — though not actually making sense of any of it — John and Mimi walk down the stairs. Both of them looked like someone had died, which made me wonder what they possibly could have been talking about up there.

"Sorry to keep you waiting down here, Natalie. Would you want to stay for some dinner? I can cook something up."

"No need to apologize, Mimi. And you know I would, but I'm actually a bit busy later. Maybe some other time I'll come over for dinner." I smile at her to try and make up for the fact I wouldn't be able to stay.

I get up from my seat and smooth out my wrinkled skirt, when John comes up to me.

"Can we maybe hug? Only if you're okay with it." His eyes strayed away from mine, never once staring in them for more than a few seconds at a time.

"Um, alright."

John wraps his arms around me tightly like this was the last time he could do it. It honestly made me feel a bit uncomfortable with how tight he was holding on but I wasn't going to say anything since he didn't mean any harm. John seemed to have no intention of letting go of me either until I pulled away from him myself.

"Okay. I've — uh — got to go. Nice seeing you Mimi. And John, I'll see you around."

~~~

a/n: i would like to personally like to apologize to john for how nat is acting lmao. but i know i just posted the other chapter the other day, but y'know...what's the harm in posting another so soon? anyways, i hope you enjoyed reading this chapter! hope to see you next update! <33