you really got a hold on me | john lennon

CHAPTER SEVEN

August 6th, 1959

After Paul stormed off, I stayed at John's for a while and played a bit more of the guitar. Wasn't as good as I allegedly used to be, but I was getting the hang of it again. Though we were in an argument - I was still very worried about where Paul could be. Since unlike John, Paul wasn't the best at being intimidating or holding himself in a fight. But I had to have some faith in him, right? 

Today I was waiting in the diner as per our weekly tradition and decided to invite George as well. He really needed to spend more time with the boys - since they always left him out.

George was the first to come, which he always was concerning these sort of things. The poor boy was really desperate to spend more time with the two and discuss more stuff about the band. But because of how young he was - they almost always disregarded his opinions on certain matters. I always reminded them of how lucky they were to have such a talented guitarist like George, but they were too bigheaded and arrogant to see it. Can't wait to see the day when Geo proves them wrong.

"'Ello Georgie, you doing well?"

"Feeling pretty well, actually," He says, smiling like a child on Christmas morning, "Thank you for inviting me, Natalie."

"No problem, you are part of the band after all."

George slides into the other side of the booth, right as John comes in.

"Hi, John. You see Paul anywhere?"

He presses his lips together in hesitation. "No, I'm really sorry, Nat. I've been searching since the crack of dawn-"

"No, it's okay. Thank you though." I gave him a reassuring smile to make sure he knew how much I appreciated it. If Paul wanted to be this much of a pain in the arse, then so be it.

As John slides in next to me - he puts his arm around me, as if to comfort me. George looks at us in some sort of disgust.

"Oi, Geo. Why are you looking at us like that?" John asks, knowing exactly why George was like that. The youngest of the group felt uncomfortable whenever the older three we made some sort of sign of affection to each other. It was adorable really, showed how young he was.

"Nothin', nothin'."

John and I look at each other and try to hold in a laugh. George looked at all of us like siblings of sorts, and we loved messing with him from time to time.

We start to order, but I keep looking longingly out the window for some sign of Paul. Was I expecting too much from him? Was a simple apology too much of a luxury? Maybe it was.

. . .

After we ate, I split away from the two boys who were going to go practice for the band. I had no idea if Paul was going to be there or not, but I left anyway. Who knows if I could handle any of his bullshite today.

I walked back to my house, where the lights were still off. Mum and Dad really were busy. I turn on the telly and lounge in the living room for a bit, almost drifting off to sleep. That is when I hear knocking from the door. Looking at the clock, it was 7 in the evening. Surely the post couldn't be coming this late.

When I opened it, there was Paul. He had a bouquet of flowers in his hands and looked surprised when I actually opened the door.

"Whaddya want?"

Extending the flowers to me, he answers, "An apology."

"Let's hear it then." I take the flowers and feel fuzzy inside, noticing how he had remembered my favorite kind. But no, I can't forgive him this easily, for fuck's sake. Letting him in the house, Paul scratches the back of his neck.

"I know what I asked you to do yesterday was out of line. I messed up, I know."

I nod, still waiting for him to actually utter the words 'I'm sorry' instead of just telling me things I already knew he had done. Paul goes on and on about what he had done instead of simply just apologizing.

Before Paul started saying more, I interrupted him. "Paul, I just wanna hear two words from you. I don't need any explanations. Just those two damn words."

He tries to come up with something before he actually puts two words together. Had it really taken him this long to say such a simple thought? My eyes widen in hopeful anticipation when I think Paul will finally say it.

"Love you?"

I slap my forehead with my palm. "Paul, you can't just keep saying you love me to fix everything! When you say it all the time like an excuse, it starts to lose its purpose."

"That's how it worked with Dot! How was I supposed to know?"

"Because maybe I'm not Dot, Paul. Have you ever thought of that? Or is your mind too fucking small to process that?" My voice starts to raise, which I almost never do.

"I'm sorry!" He finally said it. It took him a whole shouting match to do it.

I sigh and rest on the stairs. "That's all I wanted to hear from you, Paul. Just that."

He sits down next to me and rubs my back. "Shite, I really made that more difficult than it needed to be, huh?"

Laughing a bit, I agree with him. "Yeah, you really did." I look at him seriously. "And stop comparing me to Dot, alright? She and I are completely different."

He bites the side of his lip, and I could tell he really felt bad this time.

"Besides, it's not like you're cheating on me or anything, right? So there's no need to hang on to the past." I try to lighten the mood and joke with him, to try and make him feel a little more at ease.

"No, no, of course not! I can't bear losing you again."

I cover my mouth after I begin to laugh hysterically. Paul furrows his eyebrows at me and crosses his arms.

"What's so funny?"

"N-Nothing, just you were being so corny. My god, it's been barely a day since we had last seen each other." I answer through tears from laughing way harder than expected.

He shakes his head and brings me close to him. I put my arms around him and hugged him as tight as I could. Looking at him, I whisper, "You are not cheating on me right?"

"Nah, 'course not."

Something in his answer didn't seem to satisfy me or give me the assurance that I needed. Hell, a thought in my mind is convinced he is actually cheating on me. Was I just not giving him the benefit of the doubt? I probably was.

Because surely, Paul wouldn't bring another girl into his bed. Not when he's denied it twice.

Right?

_____

a/n: happy sunday! i smell some bs in paul's answer, but oh well. hope you all enjoyed this chapter! i'll probably be writing more since i'm back on lockdown where i live. see you next week <33