Ness' Comet

Ch 58: Opinion

"So, why exactly can't you stay with your hot cousins anymore?" Inquired Lizzie, picking at her nails while laying practically upside down on her half made bed.

I sighed. "I told you Liz, it's complicated."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not stupid Ness, those two are NOT your cousins. No matter what you say or how much you look alike."

"Shhhhhhhh!!!!" I urged her. "You never know who could be listening! And they are too my cousins!"

She sat up, giving me an "are you kidding me?" Kind of look. I sighed.

"What do you want me to say Liz? I told you there are things at play here that you can't know. It's too dangerous. I don't want to get you into any trouble and I don't want you to be hurt."

Her eyes widened. Apparently she hadn't expected me to say that. "Hurt?" She echoed. "How deep does this shit go Ness? I know I told you it was fine, and I won't make you tell me if it's for my own safety, but what the hell ARE you!?"

I remained silent, shamefully looking down at the floor.

"Hey," she began, her voice apologetic. "I didn't mean it like that. I just- I just wish I could help you. You seem to have so much on you all the time, and you can never actually tell me what's bothering you."

"I mean this in the nicest way, but I doubt you could really help me even if you did know everything. It does go deep and I've been in it apparently since before I was born!"

Lizzie didn't say anything for a while, accepting that she couldn't possibly know what I meant by that.

She drew a deep breath and thought.

"Okay, so, based on what you've been able to tell me, this is some kind of weird arrangement thing with you and the hot dark haired friend of your 'cousin'" she said the word "cousin" with big exaggerated air quotes.

I shook my head. "No, it's not like any person is forcing this on me."

"So what's the problem then?"

I groaned. "It's like I said, you couldn't understand."

Lizzie looked slightly hurt by my comment, but chose not to say anything. I was considering how to best apologize when my phone buzzed. It was a text from my mother. Bella wrote:
"Hey baby, I know you want your space, but I miss you. I also wanted to know if you were coming with us to the wedding next week? I think Rosalie would be disappointed if you weren't there, but it's up to you."

"You okay?" Asked Lizzie.

I looked up, surprised. "Oh, I mean, not really. My aunt is having her wedding," I mentally noted to myself that she's having a wedding AGAIN, but didn't say it out loud. "And my mom wanted to know if I was going."

"Your mom?" She said. I nearly clamped my hands over my mouth like a bad sitcom. "You never talk about your parents. Why don't you talk to them about all this?"

I sighed. "It's complicated." I was sure she was equally as sick of hearing those words from me as I was constantly saying them. But what else could I say?

"How is everything in your life so complicated? How do you survive?" Lizzie clearly half-joked.

I laughed sardonically. "I have no idea. Truthfully, I know on some level that I'm being dramatic. I'm very lucky compared to a lot of people. But, you know how teenagers say that nobody understands them? Well, that's how I feel, but actually. And nobody ever can."

Lizzie's mouth formed a slanted line. "Do you want my honest opinion?"

"Please," I answered.

"Do you think maybe you're dwelling on this a little too much?"

I raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

" I know that I don't understand, but I think you're in your own head way too much. You're also way too hard on yourself and because you think things come so easy to you, you feel guilty when you haven't earned something."

I pondered Lizzie's words for a moment. Did I feel upset partially because I hadn't earned Jacob's love? I honestly didn't know. Regardless, I thought she was hitting on something important, even if I wasn't sure how it related to Jacob.

"Are you upset with me now?" She murmured.

I shook my head. "No, not at all. I was just thinking."

Lizzie bobbed her head. "Okay." There was a long pause. "What are you gonna do about this wedding?"

I sighed. "I think I'm going to stay with Charlie the rest of the week and go with my cousins to the wedding."

"And Jacob?"

"I don't think I'll bring him like I was planning to before. I can't avoid him forever."

Truthfully it was because every minute I was alone and had time with my own thoughts, I felt an almost physical ache in my chest being away from him. Apparently the universe would resort to making me actually sick because I was away from Jake. I even had trouble sleeping at night, and I could swear that I heard the howl of a forlorn wolf echoing outside my window, calling for me.

"But," I continued. "it's not like he and my aunt Rosalie are particularly fond of each other. She'd probably be even happier to see that I didn't bring him along. I'll talk to him after the wedding. Hopefully by then, I'll have figured things out. It gives us even more space since it's in Canada, and I don't have to keep seeing Seth, or hear his constant reminders of how terrible Jacob looks nowadays."

Lizzie nodded. "If that's what you think you need then do what you have to do."

I thanked Lizzie for her consideration, and decided to text Bella back. I was going to the wedding, and hopefully this would be a slow week.