Ness' Comet

Ch 28: Honest

~~~Hey guys! Sorry I haven't been posting as frequently as I used to. I promise I'm not going to abandon you lol. School started up again and I've been kind of busy with that. I'm going to try and get back on getting these chapters out faster. Thanks everyone!~~~

Seattle was interesting. Bella and I stopped in a bunch of stores, and simply looked around. She didn't like shopping very much, but I did. Window shopping especially. I never needed to actually buy anything, but I liked browsing. Turns out, I should have just ordered the stuff Katie needed for me in the first place. There wasn't much left in the way of halloween costumes and decorations anymore since it was so close.

As I was saying as much to Bella, I heard my phone buzz. I looked down at it and the first thing I saw was a text message from Alice.
"Don't worry, I ordered the decorations for you already! They'll be at the house tomorrow!"
I looked up at my mother and held the phone for her to see the message. Immediately the two of us burst into laughter. It helped to have a psychic in the family sometimes.

I decided to go with a basic costume. It was one of the tolerable ones left, so I was apparently going as a witch. I was sure Jacob would think that was hilarious. I could understand why. It was terribly ironic.

After all the Halloween stuff, Bella suggested that we grab something to eat. Of course she meant that I needed something to eat, since my stomach growled embarrassingly loud. There was a cute little coffee shop on the corner and I decided I desperately needed a chocolate chip muffin and an overpriced cup of coffee, so that's where we went.

After we sat down, and my food showed up, Bella stared at me as though she wanted to say something but wasn't sure how. I swallowed part of my muffin.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

She sighed. Oh boy, I thought to myself.

"Baby," Bella began. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

I peered at her skeptically. "Yeah? Why?" I tried not to sound like I was reading into her words too much, but I could already feel myself starting to sweat.

"Renesemee," she continued. "Do you want to talk to me about Jacob?"

I rolled my eyes and something in my stomach twisted. "No mom, I don't."

"Why not?"

"Because," I stuttered, embarrassed. "There's nothing really to talk about. How much did dad tell you?"

She shrugged, but her expression looked guilty. "He didn't tell me that much. But we both know there's something going on and I just want to know. I'm concerned about you is all. And now you're apparently going to that dance next week with some other boy? What is it that you need right now?"

I rubbed my temples, trying not to lash out. I didn't want to be immature and I didn't want to look defensive. I was normally very honest with my mother, since I didn't have the luxury of being otherwise most of the time. However, this was one instance where I was less than keen on having this discussion out loud. I barely wanted to admit what I was feeling to myself, since I wasn't entirely sure. So, I didn't know how I was going to explain it to someone else.

"I honestly don't know what I need right now," I replied, my voice calm. "The truth is," I began hesitantly. "There is nothing going on between Jacob and I. It has to be two sided for there to be something going on. Lately I've been kind of confused, but I know it will pass, so I said yes to Jared when he asked me to the dance. I want to be normal and isn't that what normal kids do?"

Bella bit her lip, as though holding something back. "So Jacob doesn't know how you feel?"

"I don't even know what I feel!"

"Okay," said Bella, clearly trying to calm me down. "I understand. That explains a lot."

I raised an eyebrow. "What does that mean?"

She shook her head dismissively. "Nothing. Don't worry about it. I think you're right not to do or say anything until you know how you feel. But, from what I'm gathering here, you have maybe a crush?"

I wanted to get defensive again, but I figured there was no point. Edward had already read my mind and no doubt told her already. Why bother lying about it?

I nodded. "Yeah, I guess that's one way to put it. Though, I'm still a bit unsure. Why do you care so much mom? Seriously?" My tone wasn't harsh or accusatory. It was more genuine curiosity. There was something behind her eyes that suggested she knew more than she was letting on. I was also struck by her at her lack of shock or surprise. I figured it was maybe because Edward had talked to her about this already, but it was odd to me that she didn't seem disoriented by my liking Jacob in this way at all. She'd known Jacob for a long time, and she knew as well as I did that this was crazy for me to expect him to see me in any way other than Bella's daughter.

    "Because Renesmee, I'm your mother. I want to know what's going on with you. You seem to be out of sorts lately. I think you need reminding sometimes that you don't have to hide anything from either me or your father, not that you have much of a choice with him. We aren't going to judge you."

    I listened carefully to what she was saying, and I thought to myself what exactly I wanted to say as eloquently as possible.

    "Mom," I began gently. "I know you love me and you'll always be there for me, but despite how odd my situation is based on what we are," I looked around tentatively, lowering my voice. "I'm still going through a phase in my life where I don't always want your help. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but just like I don't want to take baths with a rubber duck and wear pigtails in my hair, I don't want my mother and father constantly getting involved in things that I would rather share with my friends, or figure out myself. Do you understand?"

    I gave her the most sincere and earnest look I could muster. I wasn't being disingenuous at all, but I wanted to get through to her, and by extension Edward, that this situation with Jacob, and school and whatever else, was something I wanted to figure out on my own. If I needed to share with them then I would.

    Bella opened her mouth like she was about to say something in protest before deciding against it. After a long pause, she finally uttered. "Okay, I understand."