Ness' Comet

Ch 13: Permission

It was very uncomfortable for me to have my first real friend from the real world in my paranormal house, but I knew it would be even more uncomfortable when she left. By the time Lizzie was out the door, I awaited Edward's inevitable request to speak with me in private. Of course, "private" always meant "with Bella" because neither of them kept secrets from each other when it came to me.
   
As expected, I was immediately hit with, "Renesmee."
   
I turned, cringing. Before me stood Edward, Bella at his side with a worried look on her face. "Yes father," I said jokingly, trying to lighten the mood.
   
He looked slightly amused by this, but his eyes were still intent on something. "Could your mother and I please speak with you?"
   
I groaned. "About what?!" I demanded, irritated. I knew they were only looking out for me, but it was infuriating that they were constantly in my business all the time and I couldn't do anything about it! Not even my thoughts I could keep to myself and neither could anybody else except Bella, who would just tell him anyway!
   
"Renesmee," called Bella, her voice concerned as I stormed off towards my room in the big house. I knew I probably should have made my way to the cottage but I knew it wouldn't make a difference.
   
"Where's Jacob?" I asked outloud to myself, realizing as I walked through the house that the presence of my ever loyal protector was absent. I was disappointed by the lack of Jacob in the house because with Jacob around it was less likely they would try and talk to me about what I knew would be my reasons for avoiding him.
   
"We told him he should go out for a while. We wanted to speak with you. He's probably going to LaPush to visit his dad or something for a few hours," answered Bella, directly behind me.
   
I huffed. "Well that's just great," I commented sarcastically to myself under my breath. I knew she and Edward would hear it but I didn't care.
   
"We thought it would actually be great," replied Edward calmly. "Considering you've been trying to avoid Jacob."
   
I blushed. I knew the conversation was coming but it wasn't any less terrible to hear him say it out loud.
   
I sighed, putting my face in my hands. "It's nothing okay," I begged, annoyed to be discussing this at all. I didn't know how I felt and I didn't know how to handle what was happening to me on top of figuring out who I was as a person. I didn't need them constantly asking me to explain to them things I had no interest explaining.
   
"It doesn't seem like nothing," said Bella incredulously. "For what possible reason could you be avoiding Jacob? You know he's noticed and I think he's getting really worried."
   
"I know!" I barked. "I know that! I feel terrible about it but I have my reasons okay!"
   
This took them both aback slightly. I never raised my voice to either one of my parents before. Normally I didn't have to, nor did I ever have a reason to. Neither of them looked particularly angry, but more hurt and confused.
   
"I'm sorry," I offered. "I didn't mean to get angry with you. But I don't want to talk about it."
   
Edward's mouth formed a crooked line. "Lizzie seems to think that you are interested in Jacob..." he said, trailing off.
   
I stood up, growing angry again. "Well I don't care what Lizzie thinks or what you think because that's what Lizzie was thinking!" AS I said the words I was even confused myself as to what on Earth I was trying to convey. I shook my head furiously, annoyed with myself for acting so frazzled about this. No doubt my reaction was only making things worse and confirming their suspicions.
   
"Calm down Renesemee," said Bella. "We don't mind if that's how you feel," she said, giving Edward a weird look. He seemed to look back at her reluctantly, as though he wasn't happy about it but quietly accepted it for my sake.
   
"I don't need your permission," I said coldly, trying to make the tone in my voice clear. I was trying to sound assertive without being hurtful. I didn't want to be angry with them and I didn't want them to believe I was saying this to be rebellious or something. It was because I was sick of needing permission to have feelings simply because I was nearly incapable of keeping them hidden.
   
"I see," replied Edward, his tone icy. Nobody really knew what to say anymore and all of us seemed to come to the same conclusion. The conversation was over. It was over indefinitely, and would not be brought up again until I was the one who decided to dig it up.