Ness' Comet

Ch 60: Sorry

I was momentarily frozen by the sheer force of his lips crashing against mine. After the initial surprise, my brain immediately told me I should stop, or give him some indication that I needed him to stop. This was crazy! I knew I still needed time to think and that I should have done the right thing for myself. But, his lips were so full and soft against mine, despite the force of his kiss. Before I could force myself to stop the contact, my eyes closed and my arms fell gently around his neck. I don't know how it happened, but I ended up pressed against a wall, the heavy sounds of breathing radiating throughout the room. His hands were on my hips, and mine roughly tangled in his hair. I didn't know what I was doing, but somehow it all felt right, even though I knew it couldn't be. I was beginning to grow lost, and either fortunately or unfortunately, the logical side of my brain started to think again. My eyes flew back open, and I pushed against his chest. I was strong, so he at least felt it, but I knew I couldn't actually make him move physically. He stopped.

"What's wrong?" He murmured, nearly out of breath. I had never seen Jacob this flustered. I'd seen him angry on a few rare occasions, but he was always so strong and powerful. I felt a twinge of pleasure knowing I had done this to him, but I soon shook it off. I placed a hand to my head, combing my fingers quickly through my hair.

"I can't," I stumbled in my words. "It's too much."

He held his hands up. "Okay," was all he said.

"I-I-I" I stuttered. I was out of my mind! I couldn't believe I had done that!

"Ness," he said. "Don't do this."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What?"

"Don't pull away!" He begged, though his tone was harsher than I though he meant it. He reached for me, but I did pull away.

"I need to go."

"Let me drive you," he said. Again, his tone was more frustrated and flustered than it was apologetic. I wanted to get angry, but I was too freaked out to do anything but bolt.

"No," was all I managed to say as I quickly grabbed my keys and ran upstairs to get my suitcase. I was thankful I'd already basically finished packing my stuff before Jacob showed up. He followed me up the stairs, the sound of his loud footsteps echoing through the house.

"What are you doing, Ness?" He demanded.

"I need to go. I just need to go."

He ran a hand through his damp hair. "What does that mean?! Where are you going?"

I didn't even bother to check what was in the suitcase before I zipped it closed. He stood, blocking the doorway. His large form was intimidating and strong, but I knew Jacob too well to be afraid of him.

"Please move," was all I said. I included a "please," but the tone of my voice made clear I wasn't asking.

"Why?" He replied sternly.

"Because I want you too." I couldn't even meet his eyes.

"What do you really want Ness? Seriously?!"

"I seriously want you to move!"

He closed his eyes, and appeared to be counting to himself. Without answering, he slowly stepped aside. I had to squeeze to get through, my body slightly brushing against his before I dragged myself and my suitcase down the stairs.

"Ness," he called after me, but I stayed silent. I was about to open the front door to leave, when I felt his large hand clasping mine. "Renesemee," he whispered.

I turned, our eyes finally meeting. "Fine," he said. I raised an eyebrow. That wasn't what I expected. "But just know," he continued. "That even if you're mad at me, or confused, or whatever you are right now, I'm not sorry for what I did."

"Excuse me?" Was all I managed to blurt out.

"I'm not sorry for kissing you. I'm not sorry for telling you I love you. And I hope that soon you won't feel so sorry for yourself so we can do what we really want to do."

I was livid. I scoffed, yanking my hand out of his and slamming the door behind me. I stalked off to my car, trying not to let his words get to me. I turned the car on, and at first I wasn't sure where I was even going. I realize there was only really one place I felt like I could go at the moment. Besides, it would give me some time to think, and hopefully not about how Jacob may or may not have been right about what he said. I found a random CD that Edward had left in the car, put it in, and letting the sound of the music drown me out, I began my long drive to Canada.