Beautiful Joy

21

Joys POV

Waking up, my first thought is that not eating yesterday was a mistake. My pain medication and empty stomach make for a queasy wake up call at 2am.

Heading downstairs to the kitchen I grab a few crackers nibbling on them hoping to calm my uneasy stomach.  My arm hurts but is more bearable than yesterday. My heart however feels heavy and broken. I miss my mom, my dad, my sisters, my friends, and my home.

I never went away to summer camp but I imagine this is what it felt like. School was ok, I had made a few good friends and even grown close to a few of my brothers but I was ready to go home. This didn't feel like home.

Thinking about it makes me sad, but a new feeling of anger has started to burn in my stomach as well. I've barely spent time with David. He wanted me here but he is constantly away on work trips. Couldn't I go home and we visit when he is in town? It didn't make sense and it wasn't fair, when he gets back in town I am going to tell him how I feel. With my mind determined and made up I started to head upstairs to write down my thoughts so he can't railroad me when we talked.

A car door slams outside bringing me out of my  internal rant. Hearing people yelling draws me to the front window, as I peek outside I see a car drive away leaving a figure on the ground. Quickly opening the front door I can now tell it is a very drunk Kent. He is attempting to get up, but not making it far. He seems as if he finally gives up,  just laying in the grass.

He hasn't notice me and I am unsure what to do, but I don't want to leave him alone like this.  I approach him hesitantly. I am not Kent's favorite person and am not really in the mood for his obvious aversion to me.

He's talking to himself. Hearing bits and pieces of his drunken mumbling "... stupid idiot, doesn't matter, I hate him...". He dug his palms into his eyes before clumsily attempting again to get on his hands and knees. His black shirt and black jeans are dirty from the ground and he is more disheveled than I have ever seen him.

Suddenly, his body heaves and he begins to vomit.
I quickly go to him offering some of my strength so he doesn't face plant in his own vomit. Im not sure if he's even coherent enough to know who I am, but an angry sob tares from him and with a strength I didn't think he currently possessed he beats his fist to the ground.

Comforting him the best I can " shh, shh it's ok, I got you".

He looked up at me,  his blood shot eyes staring into mine. He looked so helpless and sad, very unlike the apathetic face he always displays. With pleading eyes he looks to me "Please don't let them see me, they hate me... I hate me. Tears continue to stream down his face making my heart break for him.

Kent has been the rudest and least welcoming out of everyone but seeing him like this is unbearable. It makes me wonder if all the drugs and alcohol are just to numb the pain of losing his mom or was there more that pushed him to this. Why hasn't David or his brothers stepped in and demanded better from him. He needs someone, anyone to hold him responsible for his actions, he is spiraling.

Kent's dry heaving mixed with the slight sprinkle of rain bring me back to our current dilemma. I need to get him in the house and out of the rain before we add pneumonia to the list of his problems. Not caring about my arm at this moment I managed to drag him a small distance but quickly realize that I need help. I roll Kent to his side and sit beside him.

"Where's your phone" I ask Kent but get no reply. Searching his pockets I find his phone pressing his finger to unlock it. I feel little like 007, that's right call me Waylon, Joy Waylon. Scrolling through his contacts, finding who I need I hit call.

Groaning and then a sleepy voice responds "Seriously dude, it's after 2. Not all of us are party animals".

"I know, I'm so sorry"

"Joy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry to wake you so late but I was hoping you could help me".

Hearing shuffling and a door closing through the phone, "I'm on my way" he answers without explanation.

He wanted me to stay on the phone til he gets here, not liking that I was outside with an unconscious Kent but I told him to concentrate on the road we would be fine til he got here.

We sit outside waiting, the sky has chose to change from a sprinkle to full blown raining. Kent's head rest in my lap and I do my best to block the rain. For  the first time I really allow myself to think about my brothers. They lost their mother, lost their trust in their father, and now I have invaded their lives whether I wanted to or not.

Am I one of the reason Kent is hurting himself?I must be a constant reminder of their fathers betrayal. Looking down at my brother I felt guilty for my existence. I know nothing is really my fault but I hate that my presence has caused anyone so much pain.

From the way Sean talks of the past all the brothers and their dad use to be close. Sean said they use to spend so much time together. I've seen pictures throughout the house of the family at the lake, camping, and football games. They look so happy and always together. However, they are rarely ever in the same room now.

I have been so selfish lately only thinking of my own loss. My mother raised me better than that.
Rubbing Kent's back, "I'm sorry I'm here. I'm sorry you don't have your mom."

Lights flash quickly before darkness invades us again.

"Joy, are you ok"?