Feel Numb In My Bones (2)

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Trash Continued a little of the past is discussed again (I know🙄🙄🙄 but it's for plot) several Triggers are mentioned but not labeled 😬

MONDAY

The euphoria was good for awhile but it never lasted. Chikwé always hated that. The coming down, the realization that the real world was still out there, that the monsters had just been in temporary hiding. She shook her head and staggered out of bed, fumbling in the bedside table for the next pills to take the edge off. Walking into the bathroom, she looked at herself in the mirror.

She was gaunt. Hollow circles around her eyes. Clothes that had been fitting well were now loose. Because she never wanted to eat these days. And often didn't. And there were her eyes. There was nothing behind them. They were empty, scooped out, just like her. Part of her had been buried with Reiyo and that part was never coming back.

She popped another pill and wandered downstairs into the living room where her phone was charging

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She popped another pill and wandered downstairs into the living room where her phone was charging. Looking down on it, she saw her boss's name pop up on the screen. She ignored it. But the phone kept ringing. And ringing.

And, fuck it, why can't they leave her alone? Finally, she turned her phone off and went back upstairs into the empty room again. The oxy was taking its time making its way through her system and she was beginning to feel. There were chinks in the ice around her heart and those chinks were becoming cracks. She needed something, anything, to stop the feeling before the pain hit. Because when it hit, as she knew it would, it would be like a tsunami, a tidal wave that she could not stop.

And she can't – couldn't – deal with it. Not without something to take the edge off.

The raw unfiltered pain hurt too badly. It clawed at her until her soul felt like it was being ripped to shreds; grief was a wild thing and it had taken a hold of Chikwé's body between its jaws. She couldn't forgive herself for not being there as her daughter took her last breath. She couldn't forgive Lovie for having something to do with it no matter how many times the girl tried to explain. She killed Reiyo. All of this was on the woman's shoulders. Maybe she should have never allowed Reiyo to visit her father; kept the twins separated. At least then, then, she might have stayed alive.

Again, she headed downstairs, feeling like she was running a relay race at this point. Grabbing a glass of whiskey, she gulped it down – a deadly chaser to the pills in her body. But it seemed to do the job well enough – she staggered back up to the room and laid down on the bed. And the euphoria returned, and the numbness, and soon the ice barriers were up again and the cracks had been sealed. But this time, darkness accompanied with the euphoria and soon it swallowed Chikwé whole.

Chloe's foot wouldn't stop its steady rhythm against the tile floor of the plainly decorated waiting room. She had it in her mind that she was coming up with a beat to the lyrics she had dribbled down in her notes just before stepping foot into the medical building, but now it just sounded like useless taps without a clear-cut tempo. Shawn noticed but opted on not saying anything as he watched her getting more and more agitated. She kept glancing at her watch. Jay dropped his head slightly, a little ashamed that he was a father who had no words of encouragement at the moment. He himself felt anxious and was heading steadfast to being jittery and high strung much like his daughter. He stood and headed over to the water dispenser to quell the dryness of his throat and looked down when he felt someone bump into his leg. Halle moved past him to pull a cup down from the dispenser and began filling it up.

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