The Villainess With No Happy Endings

Chapter Twenty-Nine - The Shadows Of My Past

Before You Read - For anyone who may not be okay with this but there will be some form of self-harm in this chapter. I hope you are cautious and make sure to take care of yourself.

I felt like Merrill became even strange after our time in the forest together. We had to leave early since he was bitten by a snake, but he became clingy. It was like he was another Eli and for some reason, that seemed to upset Eli a lot.

But I was too focus on other stuff to really try to understand why he was upset with that. It feels like my past life keeps merging with my current life. I would see things from my past life but they would quickly disappear once I look at them again. It feels like I am in a nightmare that is slowly becoming a part of my reality. I feel like I am going crazy but I don't know what to do.

I am scared... What if I can't tell the difference between my past life and this life. I know I have to remember my past fully to get over it but I don't want to feel the pain again. It feels like I am slowly getting surrounded by darkness that I can't escape from.

It would be so fucked up if you are only in a coma and you really didn't die. How much pain would you be in if you realize that you didn't escape from that shitty life of yours? Would you kill yourself again? What a fucking coward you are, Alina.

I dislike this voice with a passion, always bringing up things I don't want to think about. I am never free from them. All my dreams are just filled with them mocking me and all my choices. I hate them and they hate me...

I was in a daze as I sat outside of the house and was holding a daisy in my hand. It didn't have any flower petals on it anymore. This was the tenth flower that I destroyed and there was a pile slowly getting bigger next to me. I couldn't focus on any of the books I was reading in the library and I didn't want to train either. I also was hiding away from everyone, I just wanted to be alone.

I felt irritated and I didn't know how to get rid of this stupid feeling. Feeling my emotions getting out of control again I found another daisy to rip the petals off of. I pretend it was my emotions that I was ripping on this daisy. I didn't know if it was helping me...

'I wish I could have a smoke...' I could feel my hands shaking and that familiar feeling when I wanted to smoke appear again in my body. I dropped the daisy without any petals to the ground and I held out my left arm before I dug my nails into it.

I didn't stop until I was sure blood was going to come out of my arm. I felt like I was tearing my skin apart but I only saw small cuts appearing on my arm. I was in pain so that meant I was awake... But what if I am being lied to by my head. What if I am really not in pain? I need to know. I have to know. Let me know the answer to my question.

I spotted a rock nearby and I had a thought appear in my head. I should smash that on my hand and see if it will wake me up... If it means I am risking breaking my hand to see if I am really awake I don't care. I wanted to be in pain so I can know that I am actually here. I need to feel... something, anything...

"What are you doing here, Aurelia? Everyone has been wondering where you are." I was brought out of my thoughts and the darkness I didn't notice before slowly disappeared from me. I couldn't help but frown when I saw who was bothering me, Isaias.

"...Go away. I want to be alone." I slowly released my nails from my arm and I could feel a dull pain coming from it. I didn't know if I was bleeding badly or not. I didn't care. I grabbed another daisy and went to pull the petals off of it. Some blood appears on the new daisy in my hand but I didn't care too much.

"You really like destroying daisies. You must really hate them or something." Isaias didn't take my advice and leave. He just sat his ass down on the ground next to me and watched as I ripped the petals off the daisy in my hand. I felt annoyed that I wasn't alone anymore and my thoughts were getting too much. I needed to smoke so badly...