The Villainess With No Happy Endings

Chapter Thirty-Three - A Long Overdue Apologize

I didn't know how I was going to get back to where my body was. I was in a space I didn't know how I got into so it was hard leaving this space. Even though it was bright and covered in daisies, I couldn't stay here any longer.

I am pretty sure this was a place that was supposed to consume me in all my negative emotions but I managed to kind of handle them. There is still some stuff I need to deal with but not right now.

'The creature that is made up of the souls of all the dead dark magic users probably have my body close to them. It would make sense since they are trying to make me join the other souls as well...' I was struggling to figure out how I could get out of this place I was in when I felt something hit the back of my head.

I turned around quickly, worried that there was something else in this place with me. But it was rather shocking when I just saw a paper airplane on the ground. I didn't think it was a good idea but I picked it up.

'Help me fly so you can find your way out of this place - Fox' When I opened up the plane I saw this message for me. It didn't make sense that Fox was trying to help me out, I shouldn't trust them but... I wanted to. This didn't make sense at all and it was probably dumb as hell. But I was always doing dumb shit so why does it matter if I keep making more mistakes?

I folded the paper back into a plane and threw it in front of me. As soon as this happened the airplane started to fly in a direction like it was heading toward something. It was rather strange as this airplane led me somewhere and I was wondering if someone was controlling it as well since it would often do tricks as it guided me.

As I kept walking through the space I was in, the daisies that were full of life started to slowly wilt. The bright light in the place was slowly getting darker and it felt difficult to keep walking. I could hear whispers slowly growing louder as I kept walking.

"This is your fault."

I wonder why? Father never bothered to tell me why it was my fault? I wonder if he didn't have an answer and just wanted to blame someone for what happened to mommy. I wonder why I always felt the need to apologize for her death? I just wanted him to stop looking at me with such cold eyes. I wanted him to love me like he loved my brother.

"Why were you born?"

I often wonder about that as well. I would love to think I was born out of love at first. I wonder where that love went after? Mommy always loved me but I wonder if there was something about me that no one else could love? Wait... That is a lie... There were people who could love me, who loved the fact I was born. It was only the people who hated me that wished I wasn't born. They were the ones I wanted to please so badly. I couldn't see anyone else.

"If you were to die, I wonder if anyone would miss you?"

These thoughts would always consume me during the night. I could never escape them at all. Aurelia, Alina... No matter who I was, these thoughts followed me. I couldn't see the point of life when I was hated so much. Death was always at the edge of my mind. Aurelia could never do it, she was too scared of being forgotten. Alina didn't give a damn, there was nothing left for her anymore.

"Love is given to people who earned it, not people who want it and beg for it like a child."

I wonder why I was told this? How does one earn love? That seems rather harsh to tell a child. Was it just an excuse for them to be cruel to me? No one wants to see themselves as bad people. They want to blame someone else. But I couldn't realize that, I could only blame myself for not being loveable. I was just focusing on the wrong people, people did love me. I was just scared of noticing them... What if I did something that made them hate me. It would crush me.