You Rock My Heart

Please go easy on him

After a whole day of rehearsal, Wooyoung had still failed to show up and Seonghwa was struggling to contain his annoyance. They were getting close to the competition date and he still had the audacity to skip work? Mingi and Yunho looked at each other worriedly and it annoyed Seonghwa more, knowing they were stressed for what he would do to Wooyoung. He was trying to remain calm but he couldn't think of any reason why he shouldn't be angry. After all, his bandmate was letting all of them down.

They waited a half hour after practice just to see if he'd show up but he never did. Mingi and Yunho decided to pack up their stuff and head out, but before he left the studio Yunho turned back to Seonghwa.

"I know you're mad hyung. We all are. He should've at least told us in advance. But please, go easy on him. He probably has a good reason." With that he walked out, leaving Seonghwa to fume on his own.

Go easy on him, he thought to himself. What had he done to merit understanding? If something came up he could've at least let someone know! Seonghwa was grappling with his anger, not wanting to create a deeper divide in his team but also unable to quiet his fury. They didn't have time to be skipping practices, with or without a good reason. At that moment his phone began to buzz and he looked down to see Wooyoung's name. He took a deep breath and told himself not to say anything he'll regret before answering.

"Finally."

"Look, I'm sorry hyung—"

"Where the hell were you?"

"Something came up and I—"

"Was it more important than the competition?"

"..."

"Wooyoung, answer me."

"I mean—"

"Yes or no?"

"I—um—I guess no."

"Then why did you feel the need to skip practice for it?"

"...You know what hyung? I've had a really shitty day and I knew you weren't going to make it any better but I knew I had to face you at some point. I'm sorry I'm not a fucking machine like you and I have real feelings and needs outside of our band and that that makes me a slack off who doesn't care. I wanted to go to practice to avoid having to argue with you because you never even fucking listen but I couldn't even walk out the door of my house without breaking into tears. I'm sorry if my human emotions are a distraction from the success of our band but I have them I can't control them as well as you. I'm sorry I'm not as strong as you. I'm sorry I need to just take a fucking break sometimes."

"...Woo I'm sorry I didn't—"

"Of course you didn't know you don't pay attention to anything but the band. You prioritize our success without prioritizing the wellbeing of the people that will help you get there. I'm really getting tired of having to put up with your unwarranted rage every time we ask to be treated like actual human beings and I think the others are too. We don't hate you hyung but you could at least try to give a fuck about us at least once."

"...I'm really sorry."

"You should be."

"I hope you're okay. If you need to talk—"

"It wouldn't be to you. I'll be there for practice tomorrow so don't worry about me. Bye."

Seonghwa wanted to say something but couldn't find the words as the line clicked off on the other end. Yunho had even warned him and he'd still been too hard on Wooyoung. How had his own member been going through so much right in front of him and he hadn't noticed? What kind of a leader was he? Why was he always sabotaging everything for himself? Any time he started to grow close with someone he began to doubt them and tossed them aside without warrant. Yet his members had been with him through the years of training and practicing this whole time. They had worked just as hard as he had and they were just as dedicated. Why did he keep telling himself they weren't? What was his problem?

As he started to cry out of anger at himself, Seonghwa made a resolution. He was going to be a better leader. As much as he knew he hardly deserved their respect at this point, he knew they deserved a leader who cared. They had done nothing but help him and joke around with him. Yet all he ever did in return was put them on edge and attack at every mistake. That wasn't what a leader was for.

He was the one hurting their success.