Paimon's woe

14. Paimon's Rendezvous

"Did Paimon woke you up?"

"Yes, kinda. I heard some rustling noises coming out of your sleeping matress, and when I looked you weren't there." Keqing said, sitting next to Paimon near the river.

They were silent for a moment. Nothing can be heard except the fresh water flowing endlessly.

"Are you not tired after that rigorous training? You woke up too early."

Keqing shook her head.

"I've slept enough already. Plus, I was looking forward to train by myself to improve my control over my vision." she says as she gazes towards the sky. While she's not an expert regarding astrology, she did recognized a few constelations here and there. The clear sky helps as well.

"How about you? Are you okay? You seem sad."

Paimon gazed towards her reflection, don't know what exactly to say.

"Paimon.. had a bad dream Nothing to worry about."

"Even so, it seems like it affected you a lot."

She could only nod in response.

"You've been through a lot, haven't you? Being too powerless to change your fate, watching with your own two eyes your loved ones in agony one after another. I couldn't imagine what it felt like."

"Even so!" her voice suddenly risen which made Keqing jumped.

"..Paimon  could've done better. That time, that incident could've been avoided if Paimon knew what to do. But it had to go like that!" she started sobbing.

"Right now, you and Aether are working your ass off, trying to help me. But what is Paimon doing right now?"

Helpless.

Useless.

She does not want to say it out loud, but she knew deep down that that was the truth. She neither have a vision to help them break through the obstacle, nor a strong body to help them defeat her enemy. She doesn't even have a suitable weapon for herself to protect them. Even if she do, she would be seen as a hindrance rather than an assistance.

"Paimon.. feels like she doesn't deserve to ask for your help. You guys are about to risk your lives. And Paimon is doing nothing."

Right then and there, tear starts trailing down her eyes, her cheeks, and finally on the ground.

She couldn't bear the guilt that she is feeling right now. What would happen if they failed? What will she do if it comes to that?

Would she become a parasite, latching onto others? Finding another person just to heal her past?

Taking advantage of others one-sidedly?

Rather, isn't she one of them already?

Keqing sat there silently, letting her spill out everything that she kept inside her heart.

"Everyday, this guilt adds up little by little. P-Paimon can't take it anymore."

She wiped her tears.

"S-Sorry. Paimon talked too much."

"No need to apologize. It's better to vent your thoughts once in a while."

One of her arms wrapped around Paimon's tiny figure. The warmth managed to bring comfort to her.

"You might not think the same way, but..
I do think that you are doing the right thing."

"How so?"

She took a deep breath, savouring the cold night breeze. Her right hand is playing with the water in the river, making waves on their reflection.