Non Verbal

14

HI IM SO SORRY IT'S BEEN A WHILE. 

Chapter 14

Ok, so to question Nathan's love for me, his loyalty, was one thing. Loving someone who is unfaithful does really make you- um hurt. But now I am questioning everything.

I went to practise, played good, made up some shit about my face.

Then I came home and went back to bed and now I am just laid here.

A little upset.

Because I don't think I've ever had to tell him no before. I mean I always wanted him when we would do things. I don't think I've ever told him no before, so my head's been like 'last night was a fluke'. But was it? What if that is just how he would have reacted? Sober or intoxicated.

I am so...

Confused.

And really fucking hurt and I don't even know why, like we were over anyway, I shouldn't have even thought about falling into him last night.

But I had and so much went wrong because of it.

I am still so fucking confused and it's hilarious.

I am confused about how he could do that to me, and then I am just utterly confused with myself. Because if this had happened a few years ago I wouldn't be protecting him, I would be ripping him to shreds.

Instead, I just want him to leave me alone, I don't want to tear him apart, I don't want to teach him right, I just want nothing more to do with him.

I think that's when you know you've been hurt by someone.

Or maybe that's when you know you're growing up a bit.

I toss over in bed and sigh, needing someone to take my mind off of this. Sunny was at work, and the fact that he was my immediate thought made me smile slightly.

I wonder if we'll drift now, like you ever just become really close friends with someone for like a month and then it fades?

This happens quite a lot with me.

I lift my phone, calling Scarlett.

She's always my constant.

"Hi." She says slightly amused, slightly concerned down the end of the phone. "It's twenty to twelve Lots, I could have been-"

"Scar?" I whisper, interrupting whatever she was going to say.

"...yeah?"

"You know how you climb through my window when you're not ok?"

"Yep." She says.

"Can you come over?"

"You need me?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, coming." She says and I smile, closing my eyes. "Should I do the window?"

"Yeah, I am grounded so dunno if I am allowed you over."

"Kay, I'll be quiet."

"I'll unlock the window." I say and she hangs up, leaving her home and it isn't long before she is lying in bed next to me, it's dark, she hasn't said anything.

Taking my lead.

I just close my eyes in the end, feeling better with her just next to me.

"Lots." She whispers.

I open my eyes and find hers in the dark.

"Talk?"

"Where were you?" I ask. "You took longer than usual getting here."