Non Verbal

64

hiya! short but quick update so thought I'd just post. :) share votes and comments. happy reading. 

Lottie's POV.

I was good at being alone. I was good at it because I am a strong person, and I am secure in myself and my worth.

I am.

I swear.

But maybe when I think about it, I haven't ever really been on my own before.

Especially not when I wanted to be with someone. Not when I didn't want to be on my own.

Was it healthy that I came home from school, said a brief hello to August and Emersyn and went to nap for the rest of the afternoon? Probably not. But I was emotionally drained and for me that means I sleep to avoid.

But when I nap when I don't normally nap, it means I am wide awake for the rest of the freaking night.

My dad popped his head in when he got home from work, my mum too. But honestly, I sort of just sleepily reassured them that I was good and then I went back to sleep.

It was only now, at eleven, that I was awake and starving and really freaking lonely.

The house was quiet as well. Which made me miserable. I could do with a hug and a distraction. Instead I get up and realise I should make myself some food. I lost weight with the Nathan drama earlier this year but for some reason right now I just wanna eat as much as I possibly could to make myself feel less alone.

Which also is not a healthy coping mechanism.

I want icecream.

I want Rowan actually, but he's not replying to me so...

My heart lurches at that thought and I crawl out of bed, reaching for my phone and putting a show on so I could concentrate on that instead of my thoughts. I play it out loud as I walk to the kitchen, turn on the light and I set my phone down on the side as I search around for something to eat.

I find leftovers in the fridge, and I smile at the thought of someone making food earlier and leaving it for me, taking out the dish I think about whether I actually want to eat anything or whether I am just looking for a distraction.

It is both I think. I haven't eaten since lunch, so I plate myself up some left overs and set about reheating them.

I really really don't want to be alone and I also want to talk to someone and I am also freaking worried about Rowan, like I stand against the kitchen side, listening to the loud hum of the microwave contrasting between the soft voices coming from the tv show on my phone and none of these things keep my attention enough.

Rowan wasn't replying. I even called him once. But he didn't answer. The same Rowan who says he's ok and that we are fine... I know him enough to know that he probably isn't that ok.

Fuck I have been asleep since I got in. I was going to call Sutton and let him know what happened. Let him know that Rowan might need someone.

Someone who probably was not me.

I step away from the side and I turn my show off and I go to my recent calls and call Sutton.

I want his company. Honestly as much as this call is for Roe, I know it's also for me. I want to go for a drive, or I want him to come here and sleep or I could go to his and sleep on his couch or something.

Like I really don't want to be on my own anymore tonight.

Usually... well I mean in the past, I could have text Scar and asked her to come here.