Don't say that you love me

Part 39

I pulled the door open as the tears began to run down my cheeks with the rain drops. How did they expect me to make this type of decision?

"Ryder?" Ali's voice called out as i slammed the door behind myself. My hands shot to my eyes as i sank onto my knees. This was too much for me to handle. I should have just told Niall in the beginning. Then none of this pain would have been split between us three.

"Ryder what happened?" She asked me as her warm hands began to rub my back gently. I couldn't help the sobbing as she pulled me into her arms. I wrapped my arms tightly around her neck as i pulled her close.

"I can't do this Ali!" I said to her. She pulled away to look into my worried eyes.

"Do what Ry? What happened?" She asks as i wiped the corner of my left eye. She placed her warm hands on both sides of my face as i gently shook my head.

"Ryder talk to me." She said softly. My blurry eyes flickered up to hers as i placed my hands on my lap.

"They want me to chose by tomorrow Ali. They want me to chose for good." I chocked out as the tears began to fall again. She processed my answer for a couple of seconds before she nodded.

"You need to Ryder, it's what has to be done." She told me softly as she tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. I sniffed and looked over at her.

"But how? I'm in love with them both." I whispered as i tried to stifle a yawn. She tiled her head to the left as she gazed at me.

"I know that you love them both, i don't doubt that Ryder. But deep down you know who to chose. You are the only one that could make that decision." She said as she reached down to grasp my left hand. She squeezed it tightly before placing it on my heart.

"Deep down you know who that beats for. You might not realize it, but deep down your heart knows. You have to chose the one that your mind and soul believe in Ryder." She told me as i sniffled.

"They both love you, but you love one of them more. You have to chose the one that always keeps that beautiful smile spread across your face." She said as she reached her free hand up to swipe a tear from my cheek.

"How do i know?" I asked as she looked down and shook her head.

"That i don't know Ryder, you have to chose the one that you feel the most comfortable with." She told me as i furrowed my brows.

"Let me rephrase that." She said as she gazed up at the ceiling for a moment.

"Jack made me happy because he understood me completely. He put all of my needs before his, even if the decision i made would hurt him. Even when we were going through a hard time, he would always be there for me. Whenever i needed someone he was there. He loved me Ryder, sure things have changed." Said said as she hesitated on her words, "But one of them is a much stronger choice. You just need to look deep down to find out who it is."

I gazed up at her as i thought about that. The corner of my lips curved into a grin as i processed her words.

"Such a strong speech." I teased as she rolled her eyes. I gazed down at our hands on my chest as i thought about what she had just told me. There was one that my heart beat faster for, one that i knew deep down would never stop loving me no matter how hard i tried to deny it.

I gazed back up at her with a small smile as i wiped my cheek.

"I don't want to hurt them." I said quietly as she nodded.

"I know that Ryder. But they both love you so much. There is no way that you can chose both of them and i think they know that." She said as she wiped another tear away.

"But what if they get mad?" I asked as i covered my yawn that was growing in my throat.

"They asked you to chose and that is what you are doing. They can't possibly get upset at you for doing what they told you to do." She said as i nodded. She was right, they couldn't.

"You are right." I said as i yawned again. All the crying had wiped me out.

"Come on, let's get you to bed. You can go to bed nice and early so you will be rested up when you go and see them again tomorrow." She said as she stood up and reached her hand down to me. I grinned as i allowed her to pull me up.

She wrapped her arm tightly around my shoulder as we walked back  towards my room. I was so grateful to have a friend like Ali.

"I'm really sorry about Jack and you." I said softly as she glanced down at the floor and shrugged her shoulders.

"I guess it wasn't meant to be." She said softly as she pulled the covers back for me to hop into.

"Will you move back in with me? You have no where to live and it get's awful lonely here." I said as she tilted her head to the left.

"I would love to move back in with you Ryder, now try to get some sleep." She said softly as i pulled the blanket high and closed my eyes.

I knew who i was going to pick.