Don't say that you love me

Part 21

(Ryder pov) I quickly climbed out of bed as i searched my closet for a sweatshirt and my boots. My mom? What happened now?

"Is she alright? What happened?" I asked Ali desperately as she sighed and paused. I slide the sweatshirt over my head quickly as i glued the phone to my ear again.

"Did she..did she die?" I asked Ali as she quickly gasped. No, not my mom!

"No! Ryder no! She didn't die. She is still alive i promise you." She told me as i felt a weight lift from my chest.

"Then what happened to her?" I asked Ali as she struggled for the right words.

"She started to drink again. My mom called me. She went over like normal to check up on her. She was sobering up Ry, she was trying. But something happened. Maybe it was your dad's death anniversary last month that got to her." She told me as i paused.

I should have called her or something that day. Instead i sat in my room by myself all day and felt sorry for myself. It was selfish of me.

"I'll go visit her." I told Ali as i picked up my keys and headed out into the living room.

I didn't even need to think about it. I knew that i needed to go. I needed to make sure that my mom was alright, even if she didn't want to see me.

"What Ry? It's nearly an hour and a half away! Do you want me to come with you? I can go see my mom or i can go with you." Ali told me as i headed out of my apartment.

I wanted nothing more that for someone to come with me. I knew that Ali coming with me would make me feel much better. But she couldn't, i needed to talk to my mom alone.

"No, i need to do this alone." I told her as i climbed into my car and pulled out of the driveway.

"Alright, i'm just a phone call away Ry. If you need me call. I can come down to get you if you want." She told me as i gripped the steering wheel tightly and held my phone with my shoulder and ear.

"No, i'm fine. I need to go though. I'm driving." I told her as she went quiet.

"You are already on your way?" She asked as i turned into the other lane.

"Yeah, i'll be fine Al, don't worry about me." I told her as she sighed.

"Alright Ry, well call me when you are on your way home or something alright?" She asked as i nodded.

"I will. Bye." I told her.

"Be careful Ry." She told me as i smiled and hung up.

The first hour went by slowly. I went over the speed limit because i needed to get there. I was so worried about her. I hated her so much for what she did to me, but i shouldn't have abandoned her. She needed someone. She was all alone.

My phone began to buzz when i was about ten minutes away. I sighed as i looked down to see Niall's number.

"Hello?" I say as i hold the phone tightly to my ear carefully.

"Hey babe! What's up?" He asked me as a small grin crossed my lips. Should i tell him i was going to see my mom?

"Uh, nothing what about you?" I reply as i bite my lip tightly.

"Nothing too much. Just picked up my cousin. Are you sure you don't want to hangout with us? I think we are going to go catch a movie or something." He told me as i pulled down a street.

"I can't babe, i already made plans. I'm going to go to a friends today." I lied as i shook my head. I was lying to Niall too much.

"Oh alright. When do you think that you will be home?" He asked me as i bit my lip again. I had no idea when i would be home. Depended how long this took.

"Not too sure yet. I'll call you when i get back though." I told him as i pulled into the drive way. 

"Alright babe. I wanted you to meet my cousin. Maybe next time though." He told me as my heart sank. I felt a bit bad for not telling him where i really was.

"Yeah, next time." I replied as i smiled to myself lightly.

"Alright, well i gotta go. I'll talk to you later babe." He told me as i nodded and looked towards my old home.

"Alright, bye." I said as i hung up.

I climbed out of my car and peered up at the blue chipped house. It looked nothing like it did when i was younger. My father had taken such good care of it. Now it looked like an over grown, abandoned home that everyone avoids.

The memories of my father and i flooded my mind. I stood there for a couple of minutes while i thought about the great times that we had together.

He really was my best friend back then. But then i hid after he died. I left my mother alone to crash and burn.

Tears filled my eyes as i stepped onto the dry grass. It needed work. It was sad since the lawn was my dads favorite part of our house. It was beautiful. And the flowers, oh the flowers were beautiful. But now they were dead and gone.

I took a deep breath as i walked up the cracked steps. This needed to be done. I was doing the right thing. I sighed as i knocked twice on the wooden door.

This was it, this was the time i was finally going to see my mom after a very long time. The door swung open as a bit of smoke filled my vision.