Don't say that you love me

Part 22

(Ryder pov) I coughed lightly as i looked in at my mother. she had her knotted hair pinned up in the back and a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. Her eyes roamed up and down my appearance as she took it in.

"What are you doing here?" She asked me as she turned around and walked back into her house. The place was a mess. Papers were strewn across the room with smoke filling ever inch of the house. I shook my head as she sat down on the couch.

"What happened? This place is a mess." I told her as she rolled her eyes and took a drag of her cigarette.

"Nothing happened. I'm fine, perfectly fine." She said as her yellow teeth smiled up at me. I looked down at the floor as i shook my head. She used to be so beautiful.

"I was told you weren't doing too well." I told her as i crossed my arms. She laughed obnoxiously as she put the rest of the cigarette out.

"You don't know shit." She said with another grin as she looked around the house. Alcohol bottles were strewn across the kitchen floor. I shook my head again as i made my way into the kitchen.

"Were the hell are you going!" She shouted after me as i entered the kitchen. I covered my mouth as i looked around. Plates over-flowed the sink. 

"What the hell!" I shouted back to her as i took the plates in my hand and began to wash them. What had happened to her. 

"Get the hell out of my kitchen." She shouted as she walked into the kitchen. She stumbled against the wall as i rolled my eyes.

"Jesus, are you drunk? It's nearly 8 in the morning and you are already drunk?" I said as i put 3 plates back where they belonged.

"I woke up early." She mumbled to me as she tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. I shook my head again as i turned to look at her. She looked so sad and lonely.

I took a deep breath as i ran my hand through my hair. What was i supposed to say to her? She hadn't cared about me for nearly 12 years. I had finally had enough about 4 years ago.

"How are you mom." I asked her as the words stung my lips. She wasn't my mother. A small grin crossed her lips as she looked over at me.

" I'm having the time of my life!" She said as she grinned and opened her arms wide. She looked around the kitchen as she frowned.

"How are you mom." I repeated as she looked down at the ground. Tears filled her blue eyes as she began to bite her nails.

"Have you eaten at all recently? You look like you haven't eaten in weeks." I told her as i pointed to her skinny body. Her light skin was hugging her bones. 

"The plates were dirty." She mumbles as she walks over to the table and clears it off. She turns to look  and me and then back at the table.

"Do, um. Do you want to sit down?" She asked me as she pointed at the table infront of her. I took a deep breath as i looked around the room.

"What is going on mom." I asked her as pulled the chair out and sat down. She picked up a bottle in front of her and took a swig.

"Jesus, put it down." I told her as i walked out of the room. I made my way down the hall into my old room. I sighed as i studied it.

Everything was exactly the way that i had left it. The room was cold and lonely. Pictures of Ali and my father were scattered all over. 

I shook my head as i grinned at my room. The happy memories of my childhood flooded back as i sat on the edge of my bed.

"You miss your daddy?" Her voice asked me as my eyes shot up. She stood in the doorway with a grin. She looked around the room.

"Haven't been in here. There's a reason." She said as she walked out of the room. I wiped the falling tear off of my cheek as i stood and followed her.

"Why? Do tell me your great reasons. Why the hell did you decide to completely destroy your life?" I ask her as i cross my arms. She picked up another bottle and takes another sip.

"Your daddy left me here. He left me all alone in this stupid house, with a stupid life, and a daughter i had no idea what to do with. What did he expect me to do? Be able to do all of this on my own? No, hell no. So i stopped caring." She said with a smile as she looked out the window.

"You turned out fine. Heard you are dating that famous guy or whatever. You are just like your momma. I used to try my best to get famous. I slept around until i met your daddy." She said with a small grin as she looked up at me.

"I'm not sleeping around and i'm certainly not using him." I spit out as i glared at her. How could she have said that? She laughed lightly as she took another sip of the drink.

"Well i'm happy for you Riley. You made your decision. Now go." She said as she nodded her head towards the door. Riley? She didn't even know my name anymore? I felt the tears sting my eyes as i walked forward and snatched the bottle from her hands. She screamed as she fought me for it.

"Give it to me you brat!" She shouted as she tried to pry my hands off the bottle. I shook my head as i tried to turn away from her.

"No! You don't even know my fucking name!" I chocked out as her hand stung my cheek sharply. The sound of the bottle hitting the floor made her pause. She looked down at the mess as i gripped my cheek.

I let the tears fall freely as i gazed at her. God was it wrong for me to ever come here. I walked out of the room shaking my head.

" I was wrong to have come. I won't ever bother you again." I shouted as i slammed the door behind me. I wiped my eyes as i ran back to my car. I climbed in and pounded on the wheel.

"God dammit!" I screamed as i gripped my face in my hands. No, not here. I couldn't. I slowly shook my head as i pulled out of the driveway and sped away.

I came to an empty parking lot as i turned my car off and took a deep breath. I felt the hot tears run down my face as i rested my head on the steering wheel. Why was this so hard? Why couldn't my life be simple. 

I shook my head as i wiped my eyes with my elbow and pulled out my phone. I had 3 texts from Niall and 2 missed calls. I ignored them as i skimmed through my contacts for a certain number. I hit the call button and waited as i began to ring.

"Ryder?" A familiar husky voice said as the tear began to fall again.

"H-Harry i need you." I stuttered as i closed my eyes tightly.

"It's your mom isn't it? Don't worry. I'm on my way." He said as an instant rush of relief filled my body.