Stay. ( sal x reader)

Chapter 29- Life In The City

Sal's POV:
Usually most nights, I'd have nightmares about my mom, I would get small glimpses of what happened to us when I was younger.

Sometimes they get worse, and they did when I saw Y/N on their bathroom floor, bleeding to death in my sweater.

I do feel guilty, I really fucking do. But, I'm trying. Trying so hard to make it up to them, but not because of guilt. Anything but that.

I do it because I love them, or at least I think I do. Actually, no. I love them. Whatever love is, I want to be the one who loves them, I'll scream it to the world. I love them, there's really no changing that.

"Goodmorning," they said as I got out of the bathroom. "Goodmorning," I said hugging them. "Where are we gonna go to eat breakfast today?" I asked.

"There's this really good breakfast place downtown, they have waffles," Y/N said smiling. I remember the doctors told me that there wasn't any food in their system when they examined them.

I hate it, I hate myself for what I did, I hate that they took it out on themselves. They deserve to eat, to be happy. I'd do anything for them but leave.

"Sal? So are you down?" Y/N said, interrupting my thoughts. "Uh- Yeah, of course," I replied. I have no idea what I'm getting into, am I?

We walked down town for a while, their hands were cold. Even when it's hot outside, they're cold. So I'll hold onto them, their hand. It really does still get warmer when I'm near.

"Is your lip still busted?" Y/N asked as we waited for food. "Wanna find out?" I said.

That guy really pissed me off yesterday. Do you know how many people kept hitting on Y/N yesterday?

I wasn't going to hit him, but he was pulling out a knife behind them. Every god damn time, I keep thinking over and over what they did to themselves.

New York is a dangerous place. I wasn't letting anything like that happen again, who knows what that guy could've done if I didn't do anything.

That's what's wrong with me, I don't do anything. I let it happen. Not this time, not again, not with them.

I let my mom die, I let Ash do what she wanted, I let them hurt themselves. It's all my fault.

But it already happened, all I can do is make everyday worth living like it's my last. Like it's their last.

"Sal? Do you want me to suck you off?" Y/N asked, once again, interrupting my thoughts. "What?" I choked.

"Oh yeah, now you pay attention. I kept saying that I robbed a bank or lit a orphanage on fire but it still didn't get your attention," they chuckled.

"Sorry, I was thinking of something. But why would you say that?" I replied. "You paid attention didn't you? Damn Sal, your a dirty boy," they looked at me with playful disgust.

First of all, I'm not dirty. I actually shower like everyday, I'm very hygienic. But if they meant the other thing, which most likely they did. I have no commentary on that.

"Just shut up and eat your pancakes. Actually what were you talking about?" I asked. "I was saying how we turn 18 this year, like dude. I'm so scared to grow up," Y/N sighed.

"Well, you have your own house and car. I think you'll do great, don't worry about it," I reassured them. "How the fuck do I not pay for rent or anything? My car is also paid off too, it's so weird," they said.

"Your mom paid it remember? When she 'died' you had to use the money to get out of there." I'm so confused.

Why don't they remember? They used to joke about their mom selling them. Okay, those jokes were funny but that's besides the point.