Dear Park Jay ⚊ Letter Series #1

letter seven

Dear Park Jay,

Today, I lashed out inside the coffee shop we used to hang out before. I didn't meant to. I was just so angry from some of your fans. Some of them went on to my table and they all blamed me for your death. I believed it.

I didn't know which one was worse. To hear from them the justifiable accuse or to admit that it was all my fault for being your bad girlfriend.

Of course, my friend to convinced not to bite back on them, but they wouldn't stop bothering me and one of them even threw her coffee in my face, I ended up slapping her in front of so many. And I was dragged out of there by the guards while they all quickly posted of how I was just using you for attention.

Me being me read some of those and see this one saying, "If she was really his girlfriend, how could she have not prevented it?", and I wanted to ask that to myself as well. But if only I did not become too demanding for being jealous, you'd still be alive and you'll be here chastising me for being too immature.

That's what I liked about you, you know that. You're always acting like my parent. You're always ready to rant and I just miss that side of you, Jay.

I think how different things would be if you were still alive. I'm positive you'll be here visiting me in my house and like you always do, you would cook me my favorite dish and we'll just spend the whole day together, hugging in my room. We'll talk about everything that had happened in your day.

We will end it with you kissing me before you said only thank you. No goodbyes, you hated it. The reason for thank you is, because you said, you'll always be thankful for me coming into your life.

Me too, Jay. Me too is thankful for you coming into my life even if you were just there to teach me then left and now was already an angel up there watching over me.

At weekend, my parents admitted me to the hospital for finding me nearly ending it inside the bathroom, but what else I can do? I'm getting tired of everything.

I'm so tired of trying that I will ever be fine, Jay. I'm exhausted. I miss you too much to stay here any longer.

love, Y/N