Dear Park Jay ⚊ Letter Series #1

letter eleven

Dear Park Jay,

This is the day of finally finding what will be the gender of our baby. I woked up feeling so uncharacteristically giddy for no reason. My mom said it was the pregnancy hormones. My brother said you must be possesing me for a second and I just don't care because I was more excited to see what will happen.

They can't just expect me to cry like a baby again when the doctor asked me where is the lucky father? I couldn't answer him. By my tears alone, he must have get the situation before he squirted a cold gel down my bulging tummy and rubbed it around before squeezing some onto the scanner-thing.

It took only a few minutes of me clasping around my mom's hand before he finally smiled and ask me this, "Ms L/N, Are you ready to find the sex of your baby?"

The moment the screen showed the inside of my wombs - to show our baby there. I could hear its heartbeat and I don't know, but it feels like that even though, it's still not a fully born human, I find it the most beautiful thing in the world. I knew then before my mom waites for me to nod at the doctor, I will see the baby as your greatest gift to me.

I know it sounds cheesy and silly, but as for a pregnant young woman, I was an emotional one who was laughing a little as I reached out to the screen and I looked at it in excitement, then it was like it's the realest thing I've even known when the doctor finally announced it at my nod.

I could never forget it, I swear. Even now, I can still hear him saying it and this is what he says, "Ms. L/N, you'll be having a baby boy"

Jay, did you just grant everybody's wish as always? It's a boy. A baby Jay.

I will not lie when I say I'm nervous, extremely nervous by the time I get home because I'm still 21. With no boyfriend to guide and help me through the next few months with our baby. I don't know how I'm going to do this, honestly.

But when I called your mom first and your dad was with her, my nervousness about everything all goes away from hearing them celebrating so loud, it reminds me of you. You are really their son through and through.

As for the Enhypen boys, I called them last for the excitement of it all. They were so excited to hear the news, they said they left their recording session to just be in a video call with me and I was even shocked to see your manager joining them. He said he will just sat there, making no comment and only want to know what will be the sex of our baby.

Of course, to avoid further controversy about your death and with the issue of me being your girlfriend, the company wanted to keep the idea of me being pregnant to be a secret. I agreed, not liking to be stressed by the hate of your so-called fans who still didn't like me as of now.

On another note, when the boys hear from that it's a boy, they're all jumping down to their seats to hug each other and they're so loud as always, the manager told them to keep it down even though he's smiling as well from his seat.

Before they have to leave, they've said ridiculous plans for the baby Jay's first day. Heeseung wanted me to eat more ramen, so that it will be your son's favorite. Jake wanted me to learn to cook for him. Jungwon suggested that he should be fashionistic, too and Sunoo just imagined what it would be like if he looks like you. Niki and Sunghoon was so enthuasistic by the idea of baby Jay that he will cry like you. Like those funny clips from I-land, but of course, he will be cuter than his dad.

No offense, Jay, I know our baby will look better than you are, I'm sure.

Overall from this very special event of my life, I'm happy. I'm slowly getting there to the recovery. I hope he looks like you, he'd be so handsome and loud and stress all the time to drink honey like you.

I love and miss you, Jay. I wish you could've been there to hold my hand during the ultrasound check-up.

Thank you for giving to me...

love, Y/N & Baby Jay.