Dear Park Jay ⚊ Letter Series #1

letter twenty two

Dear Park Jay,

It's the Christmas holidays again and this year like the other, I won't be able to come home because of the year-end awarding shows. It has been a tradition to HYBE Labels, there's a concert for new year, but there's none this time in honor of your death, hyung.

Instead, we all just participated in a video for you, of how we all remember you as a person. They let the BTS do it first for the reason their schedules is too tight nowadays and we recorded that clip knowing you will really like Taehyung's sunbae the most. His statement is him wishing he had more chances to meet you and he ended it with the hopes of seeing baby Jay soon in personal.

TXT comes next with Yeonjun hyung commenting on how remarkable you are in your fashion taste and Kai hyung even handed us a box of stuff toys to give to your son.

When it comes to Seventeen, they keep on remisnicing on the time they all first met us in I-Land especially Jun hyung who were now proud to say that you are his long lost twins.

The Nuest never really had that much to say, but they still offer their condolences to us and they sended us flowers, lots of white flowers in the dorm that we don't know what to do about it at first. I mean, what we should do if the flowers were meant for the person who died?

As for Lee Hyun, he talked about how on your trainee days that you never fails to greet in the corridors and hallways, and even to the fact of you asking him about the motivation to keep going for the dreams that seems to bleak for you that time.

And the one that brought tears to the fans of I-Land, for the first time after years of looking for it, the twenty two boys with Yoonwon sends a message to you in heaven. It was honestly hilarious to see all of them trying to keep their laughs when they retold some of your iconic but happy moments in the show that we've all witnessed.

Of course, no one would let you forget your R. A. S moments in the first episode and the crying scene of you over saying goodbye to the guys going down to the ground before the elimination for Part 2.

Geonu hyung who wrote that slogan in the finals of stop crying because it's annoying for him was the first to cry in the room. He is the beginning of the crying session all over the boys and it was more than worse to the time we all hugged and cried together after the finals that September eight.

This time, we all understand that our grief for you is permanent. This time, there is no coming back.

If before we could only say bye and we'll see each other again in the agency anyway, this time there's no you appearing to greet them, to ask them how their day had been.

But at least in the middle of all our painful what if's and miserable of what we could have done to save you, you still did your best in your own way how to comfort us.

It comes in the form of baby Jay that Y/N allowed to visit us there. In order to not rile up any fans, he was brought by Heeseung hyung instead and if you only knew how all the boys coos echoed in the whole room, you'll be so happy to hear it.

As it could be expected, they all adore him instantly and had quickly fallen in love with him to the point that they never want him to leave. They even joked of alternating their schedules to take care of him. And in the end of this meeting, your son showed his favorite out of them all.

Do you want to know? Are you curious as to who?

It's none other than K hyung. He doesn't want to hold him at first with the reason that he's scared he might hurt him, but baby Jay did not reaching for him. His big eyes were the eyes of the puppy towards K, and he keeps making this baby noises that he seems to make if he wanted something.

As much as I'm jealous of it, it's quite adorable to see that he even cried when K hyung shake his head repeatedly. Though, he have no choice in the end but to receive him in his arms as it looks like your son is as stubborn as you when it comes to what he wants.

And we did not expect for him to fill the room with his cheerful laugh over K hyung who then proceeded to tickle him in his chubby little tummy.

Sooner or later, I think your baby would get used to us talking to him in our language and he will learn to talk japanese just like you someday. I hope so, so that he'll help me teach the hyungs.

They're all progressing now, but it's still not the same without you here to help me with them, Jay hyung.

It's still not the same now when I wake up to all of them heading now for their families and as I watched them all leave from the gate, I was suddenly brought back to the first time you surprises me by inviting me home in all the holidays here in Korea.

And I nearly thought I would be alone this time to spend the new year, but once again, you've saved me again from that kind of cirmcumstances.

It was like even in your afterlife, you will never want me to be left alone, so I received a call from Y/N noona and she wanted me to join them with your own parents at their house.

The moment I get there, the home of yours was so festive and lively that I didn't felt out of place at all. With Y/N and your mom cooking all day in the kitchen, baby Jay was left in my company when your dad is still at work and there's nothing more than I could ask for.

While I'm playing with him, I can't stop thinking about you, hyung. I miss you so much even if it sounds cheesy and cringy. Baby Jay is only eight months old and he's already looking so much like you that it hurts.

He's doing just fine if you want to know. I know he misses you too because his eyes looked so interested when we watched one of your fancams from Not For Sale stages.

Maybe he was thinking in his baby brain: where are you now, daddy?

Baby Jay, I'd like to tell you that he's always there living in your heart and he's now watching over you in heaven, only thinking of you.

love, Niki.