Dear Park Jay ⚊ Letter Series #1

letter twelve

Dear Park Jay,

I don't know if these are pregnancy hormones but I can't sleep because I miss you too much. I had a dream before this. You were there in the hospital supporting me through it all while our son is making it too hard for me.

You keep holding onto my hand, and never stopped whispering for me to hold on, just a little more push and whimpers, he will be there. I listened and looked into your face the whole time. It made me want to cry because by the time I woke up in the middle of the night, I realized you're wearing the same outfit you had in that tragic accident.

But still, it was a good dream. A good dream where I can feel even with you already out there somewhere, that you're still doing your best to support me. To show me that you love me even at your death.

As I keep thinking about you that night, I gently rubbed on my stomach and whispers to him for the first time.

Here's what I say,

"Don't make it too hard for me, baby Jay. I know you miss him too, but please let mommy sleep and maybe I will dream of your dad again. I will dream of him being the one to carry you first once you're here.

He'll dress you up like him. He would be so proud I know that he'll happily show you to the world and doesn't care if his fans will leave him as long as he have you, he'll be perfectly content, baby.

And if you grew up that he's still there, he'll spoil you so much you would turn to be a brat who will never listen to me, but to his dad. Then he will begin to teach you manners, and he'll tell you how you should treat people equally. He is a man of his words.

In short, your dad is the bestest man I've ever known.

I love him so much. He will love you so much if he was here"

As I finally turned on the bed, I still wish how I should wake up and find that everything was a dream.

In that way, you'll be okay and you'll be there to see baby Jay.

love, Y/N & Baby Jay.