Chapter 19

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As hard as it was for Louis, he kept his promise to hold Harry during the whole story, even though he literally lost his mind, wanting to slap someone.

He is so angry, hurt, betrayed, too many emotions to name.

And when the story was done, Louis immediately let go of Harry and moved to the other side of the deck.

"I need some time to think about this Harry, I... Just leave me alone for a while please."

And in the meanwhile the sun has gone down, replaced by the moon and the stars. The heath that the sun brings is gone and on the open ocean it's really windy. Hawaii or not, it's cold during the night.

So for the first time Louis stands up to grab a sweater out of his back, but stops moving when he sees the younger boy.

Harry put his arms around his body, his face is wet from tears and his eyes are swollen. Louis can't see him like this.

"Did you bring a sweater, Harry?"

Harry gasps, not expecting to hear his favourite voice. He thought Louis would never talk to him again.

"Didn't bring one, I didn't think I would be cold in Hawaii." Harry looks ashamed, his gaze stuck on the ocean.

"Here." Louis gives his jumper to the younger boy. He'll always take care of him. Louis can't be selfish and can't stay angry when it involves Harry.

"You're cold yourself, Lou. I can't take this." Harry rejects the sweater, even though he is freezing.

"Yes you can. Come on, Harry take it. Your lips are blue." Louis gives the sweater to Harry and the curly boy takes it, putting it on. He feels a bit warmer, but is still freezing.

"You're still cold?" Louis observes the boy shaking.

"Yeah, I'm used to the LA sun I guess..." Harry mumbles.

"Come here." Louis takes place on the one mattress that is put on the deck.

Harry does as Louis says and takes place on the mattress as well.

"Lay down. I'll hold you. Don't want you to get sick."

Harry doesn't let that chance slip. Louis' arms wrapped around him? He has been waiting for that for so long.

Harry's back is pressed against Louis' chest, and Louis' arms are wrapped around the younger boy.

"Do you feel better now?" Louis whispers.

"A lot."

Harry's hand moves on Louis', intertwining their fingers.

"I missed this so much, Louis. I missed you so much." Harry moves closer to Louis and it makes Louis smile through his tears.

He missed the messy curls in his face, Harry's deep voice telling him sweet nothings, their hands connected, lying down beside Harry. He missed everything so much.

"Me too, baby." Louis' voice cracks. "But it's not that easy. We can't just go back like how it was." Warm tears are falling down from Louis' cheeks but he tries to make sure they don't fall down on Harry.

"Why not? Louis, I love you."

There they are. The words Louis has been dying to hear from the boy in his arms.

"I love you too, Hazza. But it's not that easy. I'm really, really hurt and we missed one and a half year from each other's life. That's a lot. We have to get to know each other again, catch up on each other's lives, build the trust again." Louis moves one hand to Harry's curls and plays with them. He'll always be obsessed with Harry's curls.

"You don't want me back." Harry turns around immediately, looking into Louis' blue pair of eyes.

"That's not what I'm saying, Haz. I love you, always did and always will. I'm just telling you that a lot happened, baby. I thought you trusted me with your life yet you didn't tell me about that meeting with Simon. We could have fixed it, Haz. We wouldn't have to go through it. We would have found a solution. Why didn't you trust me? What did I do to not trust me, Haz?" Louis is crying and he hides his face. He hates it to cry in front of Harry. He is supposed to be the stronger one.

"I'm so sorry. I was so scared. I thought I did the right thing. I didn't want to risk losing you, Louis. I didn't want to risk getting you kicked out of the band while I'm stuck. I just couldn't. I swear I did it for you, I wanted to help. I panicked."

Harry's sobs are loud and it's the worst noise on the planet. Louis can't stand it. He quickly takes the boy tighter in his arms and rubs his back soothingly.

"You made the wrong decision, baby. But we'll be alright, yeah? I just need some time. I'm really hurt for not having you around, Haz. I lost my mom and you weren't there. I saw you coming out on tv with a total stranger, scared that you maybe already had something with him going on while you were with me. Those months fucked me up, Harry big time. I can't be properly in a relationship with you when I'm still haunted by the hurt and the pain. Doesn't mean I don't love you, I swear to god I do with whole my heart. Right now I just need some time. If you want this, us, again then you'll have to be patient with me and take it slow. I do love you, baby. I love you so much, that's why it hurts."

Harry tries to fight his tears, but he can't. The thought that he broke Louis just kills him.

Louis takes Harry's hand, putting it on the place where his heart is.

"Do you feel that, Hazza?" Louis whispers, his hand on top of Harry's. "It's my heart. The moment you left, it felt like it stopped beating, or like it wasn't there anymore." Tears are rolling down Louis' cheeks, and Harry is crying as well.

"But in reality, it never stopped beating, it has always been there, beating for you, because I love you Harry Styles." Louis bites his lip, looking for a way to talk without being interrupted by tears.

"It has been yours since the moment we met. You can fuck up as much as you want, it will always be yours. And if I listen to my heart, I would be kissing your perfect red lips right now." Louis' other hand moves to Harry's lips, his thumb caressing them.

"But I can't do that to myself, baby. We need to build it up again, starting from zero. I can't risk us going wrong again. I don't know if I'll survive. We can't rush this. We can't just kiss, get off, I don't know what. If you want us to be serious, then we'll have to take it slow, making sure none of us will mess this up. Do you agree?"

Louis' forehead is leaning against Harry's, their fingers intertwined.

"I won't mess this up, Lou. I'd do anything to have you back. I'll make you fall in love with me again, even harder, and this time it's forever."

Ex on the beach {Larry Stylinson}Where stories live. Discover now