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FLASHBACK
After a while the hurt starts to hurt less. You start to understand the reason why they did what they did. You learn that not everyone that enters your life will stay there forever. And sometimes you are better without them.
You learn that no matter how hard you try not to turn to the next page, you have to. Even though you know they won't be there.
At the beginning you'll cry. You'll cry until you fall asleep with puffy eyes, nose blocked and swollen cheeks. You'll feel hurt everywhere you go. But you cannot expect them to love you the same way you loved them.
But there will be a moment when the pain and hurt is just too much that you start to feel numb about everything. But somehow feeling numb is worse. Numbness has a way of sinking in without you even realising.
I used to feel scared and anxious every time John's car pulled in front of the house. The sound of his footsteps used to make me sick to my stomach, because I knew that no matter how hard I wanted to react what was about to come, I couldn't. No matter how hard I wanted to fight back, my mind decides to shut down and my body froze.
But now is different.
Now, I just accept my fate. I accept that no matter what I try to do, I can't scape. And if he kills me one day, that's it, the end of my story.
My heart has been shattered into pieces and to complete that, the only person that I once considered family left. So what do I have left?
Loving him, I've lost myself. And I can't seem to find me again. I'm not the same and I don't think I'll ever be. I made mistakes that I'll never forgive myself for, one of them was allowing myself to love someone. I have nothing left. The little that I had was taken from me in a blink of an eye. I didn't have time to protest or fight, because the moment my eyelids opened it was gone. Without a warning.
I used to try so hard not to show any sign of weakness around John, because I knew that he is just a narcissist, and the moment I show it, it's when he would kick.
