LOSIN' MY MIND|| POLO G

twenty-nine🖤

omniscient

nylasia was quiet on the whole three hour drive to Decatur Correctional Center. she didn't know what to think or what she was supposed to do, polo would look over at her every couple minutes to see if she was okay or not.

he was mostly mad, but some part of him was sad too. nylasia can't catch a break at all, she's always going through things. but what she's going through right now will break her more than anything she's faced already.

she looked over at the time, an hour and 45 minutes left, she thought. an hour and 45 minutes until her life becomes shittier then it already is.

polo was the only thing she felt secured about, when she was with him she was at ease, nothing else mattered to her.

even when they hadn't talked or seen each other for longer than a year, he was always something that calmed her no matter what.

"i'm scared." she blurted out looking over at taurus, these were the first words she'd said since she got into the car.

his left hand was steering as he gripped her thigh with his right hand, using his thumb to rub little circles on it, "i gotchu through whatever."

she leaned over giving him a kiss before staring back out the window. "did you know?" she asked.

"mhm, but ain't shit we coulda done to prevent any of that. niggas was gone get that shit in blood." he shrugged shaking his head.

she nodded her head closing her eyes, "why didn't you tell me?"

polo sighed, "ny if you found out your best friend was the reason a nigga you loved got killed, what would you do?" he asked her and she sat there quiet.

"i don't know," she mumbled feeling a lump in her throat.

"exactly, you would stress and think everything your fault when it's not."

she stayed quiet looking down at her fingers that she was playing with, "don't start that shit now g. none of this shit your fault nylasia, nothing that happened to shiesty your fault. and don't even try to think that because she yo best friend that you supposed to know she would do some shit like this."

"but t-"

"shut yo ass up ny, ion wanna hear shit from you no more. stay quiet until we get over there, you just pissed me off on bro."

she did just that and stayed quiet the rest of the ride, polo parked the car, opening nylasia's door.

"i'm sorry, ian have to talk to you like that." he said walking with her to the door.

"taurus can you wait in the car? i wanna talk to her myself."

polo nodded his head kissing her forehead, "i love you ny, call me if anything."

she looked down and nodded, "i love you too."

he lifted her chin smirking turning her around then pushing her a little.

••

before nylasia went and sat in a chair, she got some snacks from the vending machine.

she had gotten herself a water bottle and some sour patch kids.

she sat down putting the water and sour patch kids down, rubbing her hands on her jeans. her hands were sweating like crazy.

after a couple minutes liyah came out walking, a slight smile came on her face when she had seen nylasia.

nylasia stood up waiting for her to come towards the table, liyah had her arms out attempting to hug nylasia but she jus furrowed her eyebrows sitting back down.

nylasia sipped a bit of her water, pushing the sour patch kids towards liyah. they were her favourite.

liyah mumbled a thank you after putting one in her mouth.

"why did you leave me?" was the first words that came out of nylasia's mouth, which shocked liyah.

she didn't know that nylasia would ever visit her in the predicament she was in, the fact that she was even here shows liyah how much nylasia really loves her.

"what do you mean?" she asked genuinely confused.

nylasia sighed sitting up in her chair after pulling it closer to liyah.

"you're my best friend, we grew up together, everything you went through i went through. everything i went through, you went through it too. my longest nights were spent with you, every single problem i had, you were there with me.

liyah why would you leave me? you were one of the things that made my life seem normal. you were a reason that i knew even if i go through something i would always have you."

liyah wiped the tears that kept falling, "i know ny ny, and i'm sorry i can't be the best friend that you needed. i love you so much mama, i wish you ain't have to go through everything that happened to you and i'll always have your back you know this."

nylasia nodded her head, "liyah you regret anything you did?" she mumbled barley a whisper.

nylasia already knew the answer to this, but she was hoping to hear something different.

liyah took a sip out of nylasia's water, wiping her tears again.

she shook her head, "i'm not gone apologize for some shit i would've done again ny. it had to be one of you."

nylasia looked up from her fingers to liyah's eyes, she let the first tear shes been holding in out since she been here fall. "what you mean?" her voiced cracked.

"i was the reason that you-"

nylasia shook her head, not wanting her to say it, "please don't say it, please." she pleaded.

"i'm sorry ma, but i was the reason you got shot that night."

nylasia closed her eyes sitting back into the chair, she let out a slow but steady breath trying not to cry, "why?"

"i loved him." she mumbled looking down.

nylasia looked up at her with genuine concern, "you love darrall?"

she nodded her head, "i was jealous of the relationship you had with him. i never found someone who loved me for me. yet you had two niggas willing to sacrifice anything for you."

"why didn't you tell me? if you wanted darrall or even had feelings for him you could've told me. liyah can you tell me the real reason?"

liyah put her hands out and nylasia held onto them, "i love you ny."

"i love you too li." she responded giving her a small smile.

liyah shook her head, "nylasia i don't love you in the best friend way or sister way. i'm in love with you." she mumbled the last part looking away.

"liyah, how are you in love with me?" nylasia asked her sincerely.

"how can you be in love with me if you're the reason my life went to hell? i had to relearn how to walk because you got me shot at, you got darrall killed which led me to almost die as well. how does your actions show that you love me li?" at this point nylasia was finally letting the tears fall, everything that she didn't even know she was holding in, she was letting go.

she looked down fumbling with her fingers, "that's not love li, that's goofy shit. you don't do that to nobody you love."

"i understand you feel that way-"

"fuck my feelings dude! you been said fuck my feelings, why do you think i'm even here liyah? because i love yo dumbass but you a goofy nigga. that's what you do for people you love, you try to put the bullshit behind you and just love them for who you think they are. that shits dead,

i came here hoping you'd understand the relationship we have. you got darrall killed bro do you not get it? how do you kill someone you loved?" she mumbled the last part playing with her fingers.

"i don't know what to tell you ny, the jealousy turned into rage. i still love you."

nylasia nodded her head getting up, she grabbed the sour patch kids wrapper as well as the water bottle.  "i loved you liyah. i really loved you."