D.R.A.R.R.Y Supremacy

5 - No Snakes Allowed

A tall, black-haired witch in emerald-green robes stood by the door.

"The firs' years, Professor McGonagall," said Hagrid.

Professor McGonagall's eyes landed on Salazar.

She gave Harry a stern look and said, "I'm sorry, dear boy, but snakes are not allowed as pets here at Hogwarts. If you've read the memo, you will know that we only allow an owl or a cat or a toad. Your snake, however, would gladly eat all three of those animals."

Harry glared at her as Salazar hissed madly. "I'm sorry, Professor, but do I smell animal discrimination here?" Harry replied, his tone soft and creepy.

The crowd was silent, fearfully staring at Harry.

"Animal discrimination?" Professor McGonagall exclaimed, sounding appalled. "Of course not! We people at Hogwarts do not encourage discrimination! I am merely saying-"

"Good. Because for one moment there, I thought you were about to discriminate my snake and generalize all snakes as evil animals that eat anything they see. I'm glad you're not like that, Professor. Salazar is a very well-trained pet. Now I wouldn't want to hold everyone up, so let's proceed inside the school, Professor," Harry replied casually, a twisted smile on his face.

There was a mix of varied reactions from the crowd.

Draco looked like he'd just fallen in love with Harry.

Hagrid looked so terrified that he was white as a ghost.

Neville was whimpering something about Salazar eating Trevor.

Professor McGonagall looked so highly affronted yet lost at the same time. It seemed she had no idea how to respond to Harry's words.

"What's your name, young man?" Professor McGonagall asked Harry.

"Potter. Harry Potter."

"Well, Mr. Potter-"

"There's no need to call me 'mister', Professor," Harry interrupted.

Draco looked like he was completely enjoying this.

Professor McGonagall, on the other hand, looked like she wanted to smack Harry in the face.

"As I was saying, Potter, I will be speaking to the headmaster regarding your pet snake. Now, thank you, Hagrid. I will take them from here."

"That was bloody brilliant," Draco told Harry softly as they followed Professor McGonagall across the flagged stone floor. "I'm now officially in love with you," he added as a joke.

"As you should be," Harry joked back as hundreds of voices sounded from a doorway to the right.

Professor McGonagall showed the first years into a small, empty chamber off the hall. They crowded in, standing rather closer together than they would usually have done, peering about nervously.

Draco was standing especially close to Harry, with his chest literally pressed up against Harry's back as he peered over his shoulder.

Professor McGonagall began explaining the sorting ceremony and the four Houses. Harry and Draco shared smirks and soft snickers when Hufflepuff was mentioned.

"Now, form a line, and follow me," Professor McGonagall said and led the first years out of the chamber, back across the hall, and through a pair of double doors into the Great Hall.

Professor McGonagall silently placed a three-legged stool in front of the first years. On top of the stool she put a pointed wizard's hat that was patched and frayed and extremely dirty.

"Don't tell me they'll be putting that filthy rag on our heads?" Draco whispered to Harry.

"I'm washing my hair right after this," Harry mumbled back.

"Me too. They've probably got decades of head lice stashed in there," Draco grumbled.

The sorting hat began to sing.

"Just get on with it already," Draco muttered under his breath, Harry nodding in agreement.

Once the sorting hat finished its song, Professor McGonagall stepped forward holding a long roll of parchment.

"When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted," she said. "Malfoy, Draco!"