Everyone Has Secrets

Chapter 27

Sacramento was driving her insane. She didn't know why she'd come here with him beyond just needing to get away. She couldn't just walk around the hospital he worked in and pick up cases like she did in Seattle, and part of her didn't want to. She didn't even really do that in Seattle before... well before Derek. Maybe she just trolled for cases because she knew he would be there. Which was all types of wrong. She was supposed to be at least trying to make things work with Brian.

It just didn't seem to be working like she'd hoped it would. She'd been here for three days now and had spent each day in the apartment they used to share together, on her laptop just consulting on cases. She felt guilty coming out here with him and then hopping on another plane, but she was getting too impatient. She needed to leave. She hated being in this apartment, and she didn't understand why he still lived there.

He was due to be back from the hospital within the next half hour, and she'd already packed ready and got her tickets booked to head out to New York, follow up on her patient who had been stable enough to head back from Seattle a few days prior. Ellis had tried to convince her to come back to Seattle to travel back with her patient, but she couldn't go back to Seattle just yet.

She ran her fingers through her hair, smoothing it out as she looked at herself in the mirror. She hadn't minded wearing the more formal clothes while she'd been interim Chief, but she hadn't missed wearing just jeans and a jumper, being comfortable rather than looking her best. Although Derek had loved the more formal clothes...

She snapped herself out of thinking about how his hands had roamed her body in elevators and stairwells, making flirty comments about how good she looked. She had to stop, she needed to get him out of her head. She was supposed to be thinking about Brian like this, but when she tried she couldn't even come up with anything that even slightly compared.

She heard the front door open and close, a blush rising on her cheeks as though she'd been caught saying her thoughts out loud. She turned to pick her suitcase up off the bed and pulled her trench coat on, fixing her hair but as more of a nervous tick.

"Mer? I'm home," Brian called out, presumably from the kitchen as she heard the fridge opening.

"Hey," she said, her voice slightly quieter than normal as she walked through to him.

"Hey... Where are you going?" he frowned slightly, turning to see her stood there ready to go with her travel case.

"Oh... New York. I was just waiting for you to get back and then I was going to jump in a cab," she shrugged, her hand clutched around the plastic handle of her suitcase.

"So that's it? You're leaving already?" he said, almost an accusatory tone to his voice.

"Brian, this is my job. You know this is my job. I have a follow up on my patient, she was transferred back to Sinai yesterday," she shrugged, sighing slightly.

"You could've at least given me a heads up," he said as he moved towards her, "I thought we could order in and watch a movie tonight."

"I'm sorry," she looked down slightly, biting her lip.

"It's okay," he murmured, cupping her cheek and gently urging her to look at him again, "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too," she told him, but she wasn't sure she actually would.

"I'll give you a ride to the airport, okay?" he offered, pressing a quick kiss against her lips.

"Thank you," she said quietly, catching his lips again in another kiss, "How was work?"

"Busy, the usual," he shrugged, pulling away from her and back to his glass of water, avoiding eye contact with her.

She knew he wasn't telling her what happened today for a reason, but she was done trying to decipher what that meant. This is exactly what he'd done years ago. Avoided telling her about his day as though she needed to be bubble wrapped from the tragedies of the world.

"My flight is in two hours so I need to get going, I can just get a cab if you're not ready or," she shrugged.

"No, that's okay, we'll go now," he said, walking past her to the hallway and pulling his jacket on.

"Great, thanks," she smiled slightly, feeling the obvious awkwardness between them.

She pulled her suitcase, grabbing her carry on from where she'd left it by the front door, pulling it over her shoulder. He held the door open for her and she walked through, pressing the button for the elevator. This car ride was going to be painfully silent, and part of her wished she had just gotten in a cab before he'd got back and called him on the way to the airport.

****

They made it to the airport after an almost silent car journey, only speaking when necessary and she could feel an anger rising her. This wasn't working. But she couldn't completely say she was trying to make it work either, she didn't have the energy for it, almost like she knew it wasn't going to work anyway.

She was itching to get out of the car by the time he parked, her fingers picking at a loose thread on her sleeve. As soon as the car stopped she climbed out and moved around the back to grab her bags, glancing up to see Brian had gotten out of the car as well.

"Is everything okay?" he asked with a slight frown.

"Everything is just fine," she sighed, pulling her bag over her shoulder, "I need to go get checked in or I'll miss my flight."

"Can I at least have a hug before you run off?" he asked, his hand running over his chin.

"You don't have to ask," she rolled her eyes, realising she was showing her anger a bit too much than she'd like, or that she had time for right now.

"Come here then," his voice became soft as he wrapped his arms around her, and she returned the hug, hiding her face against his neck.

They stayed like that for a moment, his hand rubbing her back, and some of her anger dissipated. She still had that nagging voice in the back of her head telling her to just end things, that it was never going to work. She just needed space. She needed to get away, and come back with a fresh point of view, that would help.

"How long are you away for?" he asked, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"A few days, maybe a week," she shrugged, stepping back from the hug, "It depends how she's doing, and they've asked me to do a talk for the neuro residents on Thursday. But then it's Maggie's birthday this weekend and I'm waiting for her to confirm whether that'll be in Boston or Seattle, so I guess I'll just have to let you know."

"Definitely let me know, I'll try and fly out myself if I can," he said, practically inviting himself to the family birthday celebration.

"Oh, erm, okay, yeah... I'll speak to my mom and let you know," she forced a small smile, "I've got to get going now."

"Alright, let me know when you land," he sighed softly, reaching for her hand to pull her toward him slightly, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

She returned the kiss a moment, closing her eyes and trying to feel something, that spark, the attraction she'd feel with Derek that made her never want to stop kissing him. It never came. She pulled back, forcing her smile still.

"I will, bye," she gave him a small nod before taking the handle of her suitcase, pulling it along side her as she headed inside the airport.

Meredith had a lot to think about. She couldn't just leave Brian because she was attracted to Derek, even if Derek was better in bed, that was completely irrelevant. She was supposed to be making the right decision. She had history with Brian, they had a child together, that meant something. She had to see if any more would come of it. She owed Noah that much, or at least she felt like she did.