Everyone Has Secrets

Chapter 34

"No, no," Meredith muttered, suddenly building up the urge to pull away from Brian, "No, don't pull that shit on me."

Tears were streaming down her cheeks before she realised she was crying. She stood up off the couch, running her fingers through her hair as she tried to reign it in.

"Mer...," he murmured, standing up and moving toward her.

"No, Brian," she was frustrated now, she couldn't take this anymore.

She could remember. She remembered that last month, before Cristina got there. The constant battle with herself to leave him. To leave that place. She didn't want to be there.

****

She'd finally built up the courage to get back to work, and he'd helped her arrange a position where he worked. The more she worked, the more she didn't want to go back to his place. It wasn't their place. It was his place.

She wanted to go. She wanted to travel. She didn't just want to work in the hospital. She couldn't be in one place. She had to keep moving again. She was ready to start moving again. She wanted to go home.

But he was treating her like glass. Like she'd break at any second. Constantly hovering. She felt like she couldn't leave. She'd want to bring it up and he'd just look at her, and that look, it was as though she owed it to him to stay. So, she'd stay.

She'd got home that night, late as usual, having been unable to find an excuse to stay at the hospital overnight. She wasn't needed on call, and she was getting close to her maximum number of working hours, and the last thing she needed was anyone picking up on how much she was avoiding going back to his apartment and speaking to him about it. Brian was waiting up for her; she was surprised he was still even awake since he'd left around four that morning for an emergency.

"You're back late," he commented, standing up as soon as she walked in, "Is there anything I can get for you?"

"No, I was just going to head to bed," she shrugged, covering her mouth as she found herself automatically faking a yawn.

"Have you eaten?" he asked, frowning slightly as he turned off the tv.

"Yeah, I ate at the hospital earlier," she lied easily, turning around and heading into the bedroom.

"I was going to grab a shower before bed, do you want to join me?" he asked as he moved closer behind her, almost suggestively but not quite touching her.

"I'll get one in the morning, I'm too tired," she shook her head as she pulled off her clothes, quickly finding her pyjamas and putting them on, stood on the opposite side of the room from him now.

"What's wrong, Mer?" he sighed in exasperation, and she eyed him carefully.

"What do you mean? I'm just tired," she narrowed her eyes slightly.

"You're barely here, you barely touch me, we barely talk," he accused, his hand going to his forehead, "I thought going back to work would be good for you, but it's like you're pulling further away."

"Seriously?" she scoffed, shaking her head as she grabbed one of the spare blankets, "I'm not doing this with you now, and if you're so adamant on fighting now, when I'm tired, I'm just going to go and sleep on the couch."

"Stop running away from this! I just want to help you get better and you're not letting me," he groaned, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Get better? What? You're trying to fix me? Is that it?" she held back tears, clutching the blanket closer against herself, "Newsflash, I'm grieving, I know that might be a new concept for you."