I'm Unwanted

Chapter Seventeen

(Edited)

Ravens POV:

I'm so hungry. Which is a rare feeling for me.

But ever since Tyler came around, I've actually started eating. And now I've even gained weight.

I bet most girls would hate seeing how they're gaining weight. But when you literally have a forced on eating disorder, like I do since I wasn't allowed to eat, I want to gain weight.

Not going to lie though, I do like not having a period. Even if it means I could loose my chances of having kids.

Which I haven't figured out if I even want yet. But it's ok. I usually don't think about my future. I never thought I'd have one worth looking forward to.

"Raven open the door! I got food for you!"

I jump off his bed and rip the door off it's hinges. Not actually, because I'm a weak feeble little child, but it felt like I was ripping the door off.

And then I snatch the food, and start eating it.

Tyler goes into the bathroom, probably peeing. Since that is the only bathroom in his apartment. And I've kicked him out of his room.

He comes back out a second later.

"So how long are we going to do this? You only letting me in my room to use the bathroom, change, and give you food?"

"Another week." I say with a cheeky smile.

"If you weren't a cute lil angel I would argue with you. It's you are just so adorable!" Tyler pinches my cheeks.

And I pout.

"I've kneed your balls like ten times. Not to mention given you three purple nerples."

"In my defense, I bet I deserved those knees to my balls. But we're the purple nerples really necessary? I still have a bruise on one of my nips."

I chuckle at that.

"It was just fun to hear you scream like a little girl."

Tyler pecks my lips, which has become a thing of his.

"Sugar, I'm not the only one who will be screaming." Tyler winks at me, and bites his lip.

I squeak and jump out of his hands.  Then thump his chest.

"Ok, out!"

"How about no?"

"How about I knee your balls?"

Before I can even blink, the bedroom door is shut, and Tyler's out of sight.

...

I stare at the damage I've done.

Three deep cuts sit on my wrist. Blood spilling out of them.

"One more for good luck?" I whisper into the air.

"Yeah. Not like anyone needs me anyway." I whisper back to myself.

I take my little blade, and drag it across my skin.

How did this happen? I was fine this morning. I ask myself.

Oh right. Emma called.

~~~

"Hey Rae! So I have good and bad news." Emma says through the phone.

"Good news first then."

"Good news is, I'm preggers again! And I'm coming to stay at home for winter break!"

"And the bad news?" I ask.

"Dad said you weren't allowed to come see me. Said you aren't part of the family anymore. He doesn't want you coming back home again. But he'll probably call and give you more details."

"Oh. Ok."

"Hey, in really sorry, but I gotta go! Bye!"

She hangs up before I'm able to say anything.

~~~

My dad did call.

Told me I can come home February, like usual, but only to pack the rest of my stuff and leave.

He kicked me out. While I was already kicked out.

I laugh bitterly at the thought of that.

Tyler has no idea. I don't plan on telling him. He'd definitely never let me leave his house.

And I love how he cares. But I don't need help. Don't want it.

I still like Tyler. Don't get me wrong. But right now, now I can't even understand my own mind.

Everything's blurred. And my hope has shattered.

No one wants me.

No one needs me.

No one cares about me.

If I die, who would be sad?

"Hey Raerae? I really need to pee." Tyler calls from his closed and locked bedroom door.

I look down at my bleeding wrist.

I wrap it up and then jump on Tyler's bed after unlocking the door.

"Come in, then get out." I say quietly as I try to sound like I didn't just cry until nothing was left.

Cried until my heart shattered.

Tyler goes into the bathroom. And comes out a few minutes later.

"Hey, you feeling ok? You haven't touched any of the food I made you."

I nod at the wall. Since I'm under Tyler's covers, and facing away from him.

The bed dips, letting me know Tyler's on the bed.

A warm muscular arm wraps around my waist, and I'm pulled into Tyler's chest.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I say softly.

"Raven, don't lie."

I sigh heavily and close my eyes.

"It doesn't matter." It never has. I keep the last part to only my mind though.

"It does to me." Tyler whispers as he tightens his arms around me.

"That's the problem." I whisper back.

"Hey Raven?"

"Yeah?"

"If you cut again, I'm calling cps."

"What do you mean?" I ask playing dumb.

How does he know I cut?!

"Raven, I've known since I first met you that you cut. Everyone that cuts has this dull look in their eyes. It's impossible to miss."

"A-and you didn't say anything about it?"

"No. But I'm saying it now. I care ok? I get you have your reasons for going through your shit. And I have my reasons for caring about you. But if I see you cutting one more time, I'm putting you in a mental hospital."

Tyler ever so gently kisses my neck. Right below my ear.

"I can't have you dying on me." He whispers softly.

And that's the last thing I hear before I drift off into a dreamless sleep.