Hey There Demons, It's Me, Ya Boy

13: DILF Lucifer And His Gremlin Kids

☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

"Does sorry make it better?"

"It does not."

"Well, what was I supposed to say?"

"You should've told him you didn't want him to come!"

"But that's not true. And it's so mean, too :(."

"How the fuck did you say that out loud??"

"Satan, [Y/n]: stop bickering," Lucifer rolls his eyes, "Beelzebub, don't eat that. You don't know where it's been."

Beelzebub sulks and puts the bird back down; it immediately flies away.

Satan was obviously not happy that Lucifer was coming along. But it's not like you were going to ask one of them to leave! You just hope the chaos would be kept at a minimum at least.

"Where are we going first, [Y/n]?" Lucifer asks.

"You're asking a bitch who's never been here before, where she needs to go?" You chuckle, "I just need sports clothes, sleep wear, and something casual that I can wear around the house."

"That's it? You don't want a formal outfit as well when you go out?" Lucifer tilts his head.

You shake your head, "No, I'm fi-"

"-What about a dress?" Satan smiles, "I think you'd look nice in one."

"I'm fine with what I-"

Beelzebub was holding a different bird: "-Can we get matching onesies?"

"GuYs, I'm PeRfEcTlY fInE wItH tHe BaRe NeCesSitIeS!" You pinch the bridge of your nose, "....Matching onesies sounds really cute, Beel. We can do that."

Baby Beel lights up in triumph, but then he gets sad again when Lucifer slaps the bird out of his hand.

"Loosen up, [Y/n]," Satan drapes an arm over your shoulders, "Lucifer is paying right? Buy yourself a new wardrobe."

"It's because he's paying that I'm going cheap," You answer, "I don't need a lot, okay?"

You're not Asmo, you wanted to add. But you haven't really hung out with him enough to say that.

"She's not Asmo," Beelzebub voices and pulls you to him by the arm, "[Y/n], I know a good store to buy clothes to work out in. Let's go."

Ummm...

"Hah? Don't just decide that on your own," Satan lays a hand on your shoulder and points towards the opposite direction then Beelzebub, "Why don't we try that store there? The clothes look beautiful."

Uh, what's going on?

Beelzebub pouts, "Who do you want to go with, [Y/n]?"

Oh fuck that noise. You're not doing this. You refuse the Main Character power this universe is trying to force on you.

You shake off Satan's hand, and pull your arm free from Beelzebub.

"Lucifer, do you have anything you need to do first?" You smile at the eldest, "I still don't know what I want to get first, so this will give me time to think."

"Are you serious?" Satan deadpans.

Lucifer smirks, "Yes, I do have a few errands to run. Why don't you accompany me?"

"Sure!"

"You're not leaving me alone here!" Satan huffs, "I'm coming!"

"Me too," Beelzebub looks around, "I don't want to be alone."