Meant to be

Ch 21 Contd....

The night of the Mars task both Sidharth and Shehnaaz were unable to sleep. Each battling their own set of fears, worries and insecurities. The game was getting tougher, the house smaller and strangely the distance between them both closing and increasing. They both were unable to articulate even to themselves what was brewing within them and also between each other. While Sidharth tossed and turned and huffed and puffed, shehnaaz simply lay still, her fears and uncertainties never made it to the external and he, be the more he tried to suppress his churning the more it poured out unwittingly. She let out a deep sigh and stared at the ceiling, she was scared, scared for how much she loved this giant of a man lying down next to her. She recognized that he was larger than her and larger than life in every which way. The possibility that someone as big a celebrity as him could be so humble and grounded at times flummoxed her. The way he was submitted to the authority of his mum and sisters, the way he was vulnerable to memories of his father, the way he was still sincere about his craft and profession, the way he never lied or misrepresented himself and yet the way beyond all that the way he curled into her certain nights. There were somedays when he would just succumb into her and draw from her in a way no one had, she did not even know that was possible. Then there were somedays when he was passionate and demanding and yet restrained and respectful  in the way he claimed her body. She loved how virile and potent his need for her was. She knew that for him this was not a casual move and that this was not casual expressions of lust, she felt celebrated, she felt alive and she felt empowered whenever the expressed their feelings through touch and feels and cuddles and strokes. And this is why she lay awake petrified for herself. Sidharth Shukla has unearthed a Shehnaaz Gill that was far more alive that she had ever been in her past 26 years. She felt needed and loved and was not ready for this to end anytime now. Shehnaaz turned her head and snuck a glance and his face and always blown away by how handsome he was but also she could help but think that his confidence and aura came from his honesty. She carried that as her greatest shield as well, the confidence that came from being honest and hardworking, there was no alternative to that. In Sidharth she saw that and recognised that.

As she turned to her side with her back to him, Sidharth took the Liberty of opening his eyes and looking at her back, she challenged him in every way and yet she comforted him in every way. The Sidharth Shukla that had entered the show was a very content man, there was a time when he wanted a family of his own but in his niece and nephew and the wah his sister and mother and his brothers in law enveloped him, that need over time ebbed away. This girl, this girl lying down next to him was as different from his ways as night and day. She was loud to his understated, she wore her heart on her sleeves and he, he hardly ever met even his most innocuous of emotions show. She was half his size in person but when it came to zest for life dwarfed him in every way. Till he met her on this show he was truly content but now she was the reason for every of that sphere of that previous content now lay discontent. He found that he carried her everywhere, it was like she had become a part of who he was. It both scared him and yet completed him. She trusted him FULLY, yet she never pandered to him, she pampered him to the hilt but yet would never play second fiddle. His heart soared with how complete as a woman she was and yet turned to him as a lover and never once would shy away from expressing her need of him. He was always a tactile person but she she has become a necessity, to touch to hold to draw in. He in the past couple of years had been sexually inactive and he had always assumed that it was because the right opportunity never presented itself , but he almost embarrassingly now realised that his soul was rejecting that which his body could never provide it. The few moments of fervent hushed and yet intense make out session he had with sana was an unveiling to himself what he wanted out of life. For the first time he craved abs not lusted, for the first time the act was a fulfilment and not a release. He could not wait to fully explore the depth of what their life could be in every aspect. He could not wait for her to meet his family and for her to start owning them as she organically started owning him. He sighed before all that though they had mountains to climb and predators to outrun. Will she be able to hold upto the pressures that lay ahead. He had the security of the knowledge of his feelings but she, she did not know yet and that freaked him out. It also sat uncomfortably on him  the fact that she was young, she was attractive had an amazing career ahead of him. Was he the best she could have? Moments like this he hated the fact tbat he was here in this place, he wanted to have frank candid conversations with her, he wanted to speak to his mum and sisters, he hated uncertainty and this was the most precious thing he has had to nurture in his life and how he hated the uncertainty around it. He sighed in frustration and got out of the bed not knowing what to do, and he went out to smoke, he did not know why he was doing that and yet he did it.