Meant to be

Ch 14 contd....

After a few hours of tossing and turning, Shehnaaz just could not manage being in such close proximity with Sidharth. What happened between them was far too special, far too significant for it to go unprocessed within her. All she wanted to do was to just bury herself in him and inhale him and take in as much of his as she could.  She shuddered at the shivers of desire that now ran through her body. She sighed at the fact that as much as she agreed with him that their duniyas were alag, he was increasingly becoming her safe house.
She just lay there watching his face, he was so serene when he slept, he was so gentle with her, he was so giving and he he was such a considerate lover? Well atleast she assumed that with their intense yet gentle make out. Involuntarily her toes curled in desire and emotion....she recalled the intimate voice with which he spoke to her and let her know how much she excited him.

Shehnaaz was not unaware or naive when it came to sex and given her frank disposition she also was not one of those prudish girls who pretended to never think or want it for themselves. But at the same time she also was very clear about sanctity of her body and the value of it. So while she enjoyed sex she was very careful to never allow anyone to objectify her or to take her for granted. The two previous relationships she had of that only one culminated in sleeping with her partner and even that at best a few times when it was more of a need. At 26 when she looks back at her journey so far she now realizes that for her a relationship was always about belonging to someone, something which she yearned as a child she tried to fulfill as an adult and for that she always ended up giving more than she should have and almost always never getting that affection she required atleast never in the way that it satisfied her or filled her up. She shook herself out of these musings and looked at Sidharth. The wonder of him. She had never met anyone else who had such a dead pan expression most of the time, but again she had also never met anyone who was so expressive with his behavior. What Sidharth did not say he showed. And in this house she was the only one who knew it.  He gave her space yet would
Be close enough to prop her up when she tripped! He was growing on her quickly and that confused her. She laughed at the thought that someone like him would want him desirable. And in her classic self deprecating humour could not control her giggle when she thought 'bandaa itna desperate hai ki mein attractive laggi. Hai hai bechara television ka super star Sidharth Shukla'

She slowly slipped out of the bed because sleep was far and she really wanted to enjoy this moment but also build herself up. As much as she belonged to the industry she could never understand or appreciate random hookups that often happened. That was never her. So whatever happened tonight was still unchartered territory and something she needed to work out in her mind such that she does not end up hurting herself. She found that she was unable to sit so started pacing around the pool lost in her thoughts.

Sidharth even before his eyes opened felt bereft and knew Shehnaaz  was not in bed. It slightly irritated him when the feeling of being alone hit him. He was a single guy who for the most part of his life woke up alone, so why should nowadays waking up alone irritate him. He really adored Shehnaaz. The unspoken regret that if he had met her earlier in life and the regret that perhaps if he was younger or she was older, ugggh he made a low sound because of how helpless such suppositions made him. He was a man who like to be in control, always in every situation. He did not regret what just happened with Shehnaaz, not one bit, but where was this heading to? Why when it came to her he was not on top of his own emotions, that worried him. Shehnaaz made him realize all those things he wanted in a relationship which he never knew he missed. He sighed a deep sigh....she was far too young, there were too many blind spots and this was something that did not happen. Firstly finding love is one of the most rare things true selfless love...come on! He winced to
Himself, secondly it
Never happened on bloody television and on a reality show. It is just attraction and in this case W genuine friendship. This was something he almost never did. He never got physical with people he really really cared about. He had a few good girlfriends but even those he knew he could walk away from without too much scarring. Yes those breakups had affected him but he had always ensured that his inner sanctum was protected. But this chit of a girl dammit. Managed to crawl into his heart and now seemed to have nestled right there ,as he was ruminating all of these, he realised that if she were in the washroom, she should have returned by now. A frown covered his face! Was she upset with what happened, he in that panic quickly rushed out to check on her, strangely the whole house was asleep, that almost was never the case!