Meant to be

Chapter 10: i just can't fight this feeling anymore!

Shehnaaz never quit anything before. Not even when her life and work brought forth horrible circumstances she never quit. Today she came close to wanting to quit. She felt very vulnerable and exposed. She was the focus of every conversation she heard snatches of it and none of it was kind. She was not fooled by Paras and Mahira, for them she was exactly where they needed her to be, with them in the game and on a weaker foot such that she was not in a position to threaten their status quo. The shock of what had happened between Sidharth and her had only now started to unfurl. She had thought that he will come to her and soothe her like every other time, but forget soothing he had not only ignored her right royally but also so easily replaced her with Himanshi and Shefali. Z. Maybe she was never that special for him, maybe he was like this with everyone.

She had finished freshening up and walked to the bedroom reluctantly. She did not like going to the bedroom. It reminded her of how she and Sidharth no longer shared the bed, it reminded her of how she could not now just go and cuddle with him. The laughter has been replaced with her stolen painful glances, every time she glanced at him she hoped that she would find him looking back at her with that expressionless face but the eyes that always smiled at her and gave her so much of warmth and comfort. Today also as she entered without even realizing it she glanced over to where he was lying down only to find him curled onto bed and Shefali. Z leaning comfortably onto this curled torso. She actually stopped in shock! She was leaning against him and he was curled around her sideways. On the other bed across them sat Bhau, Himanshi and Tehseen, the minute she stood and stared and all of them stopped their incessant giggling and guffaws and looked right back at her . AWKWARD! Quickly to not draw attention to her pathetic state she asked them "mein rotiyan bana rahi hoon! Aap logon ka breakfast nahi hua tho
Pls count batadena mein us hisaab se bana Leti hoon." She said this with her head hung and her gaze fixed to the floor. She could not face him or could face someone else cozying upto him. What's worse he looked so comfortable! The nerve!

Sidharth looked at her small frame, hung shoulders and general defeated demeanor! He was angry, angry first at her and then at the situation. He fought the urge to shake her silly and ask her which was the real Shehnaaz, the over the top, bubbly, vivacious and loving Shehnaaz or this bumbling, sad, defeated and under confident Shehnaaz. And why would she make rotis, it is not even her duty, he was worried if now Paras and Mahira were using her as their lackey. He was also suddenly very conscious of Shefali leaning into him. It felt unfamiliar and awkward and he desperately wish it was Shehnaaz next to him instead of her.

Without really knowing the reason behind what he was saying Sidharth quickly blurred out "Himanshi aaj hummay khilaogi Punjabi paranthey? Agar tum bana rahi ho to kahunga nahi toh anday sey kaam chala lenge" as soon as he said this he cursed himself. It was petty and it was unnecessary. He did this to get a rise out of her , he wanted her to come at him and eventually he wanted to accuse her of leaving him without any explanation. But even before he finished the sentence he could see her shoulders stoop further in defeat and she without a word walked away. All he wanted to do was to go and gather her in his arms and forget about the past few days.

It was an extremely uncomfortable day for both of them. Sidharth felt the strain of her physical distance from him, when Himanshi, Shefali and arti sidled upto him, most times he has to fight the urge to ask them to sit away and not always lean on him. He found it annoying especially because the only persons touch he craved was now pitted directly against him.
When the fight has started they were always in and around each other staring and noticing each other willing the other to come forward and speak, but after she saw all the women congregate around him on 'their' bed she was fully defeated.

She avoided him completely. Sidharth was exhausted with this cat and mouse game, he had no idea why she was behaving this way. He also noticed that she was not with Paras, where was this girl! Just as he was wondering this her voice boomed out from behind the couch. She sometimes took her food there and liked to eat there alone. It broke his heart whenever she did that. This time there was an argument between Arhaan and Asim, which eventually fell on Sidharth and Mahira and Paras too chimed in. Shehnaaz wished she could have gone to him and soothes him, atleast with a touch. She waited for a bit to see if his new found friends would jump in his support. Strange that as much as she despised them she hoped that they would today support him, when she saw that he was alone fighting against everyone she walked towards Asim who was sitting next to him. She started saying something and the minute she was standing next to Asim and behind Sidharth he whipped his head around and told Asim about Shehnaaz "dhoor rakh!" And he said this not once but multiple times. Talk about a verbal lashing.